A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so, please don't knock me down for this, I just seriously need to ask for help! Me and my partner have been together for 6 years, 3 young children, 2, 3+4 and I have a 10 year old from a previous relationship, my family are my life you know, my whole life. My partner has worked his current job for just over a year, and it has involved him swapping from day work (previous job) to night work, sometimes across the country, so for the past 6 weeks he's been working 300 miles away Monday to Saturday, home Sunday but sleeps all day then back out Monday, I know he works hard. Too hard. And he does it for me and the kids. He gives us everything we could possibly need and brings home a wage more than enough to provide. He's a very old fashioned man and doesn't ageee with me doing out to work. I stay home full time with the children. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm struggling. We don't know how long he's going to be away. And although we text every day and ring every day it's lonely. And I find myself in a cycle. Come 7pm my younger children to to bed and at 8pm my eldest does. This is the harder part of the day..So basically my neighbour and I have become quite frequent texters, and the messages over the past few days have gone from being innocent, to really not so innocent, for example tonight I put the bin out in my shorts and he text me saying (the things I'd do to you if I were round there, you need to loose the shorts ??)But what's shocking I know. I enjoy the texts. I enjoy the cheekyness! So tonight he nearly came round but I obviously said no. Simple reason being my kids are in the house. But I can't help but believe deep down that if the children weren't here or if I was to go out I wouldn't be so held back! And the temptation is too much! Part of me really wants it, yet the concioince in me obviously screams 'your an idiot! Don't be so stupid you have a perfectly good life'!! Why ruin it.. I adore my partner, so why am I feeling like I am!! I feel like I should tell him what's going on and be honest but I'll lose him, he'll see the texts as good as cheating and he'll go! But I feel like if I carry in in this cycle I might stray and I feel I've let it go a bit too far to now get out of ! Him and my partner are mates. Get on well. So it's not like we can just stop speaking because hell know something's wrong!!I don't even know how I've ended up in this situation or how to get out of it!! Please somebody give me some advise ! Sorry for it being such a long question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 October 2016):
 You're a very young woman with 4 children - it's not surprising you like the attention single women your age, without children, would get.
You need to think about your family, though. You had 3 children in quick succession, so I think you need a break from being a very young mother. You need a job, even if it's voluntary. He's only old-fashioned with you being trapped at home, but not with three kids before marriage. That's not right.
That said, whilst you definitely need to occupy yourself, I'm in a long distance relationship and I have no intention of cheating or flirting with someone else because the only person I want to be "cheeky" with is my boyfriend.
You need more from your partner emotionally, but you need to do more yourself, so that you're achieving more than being a mother. Don't get me wrong; being a mother can be fantastic, but most of us need more to our lives than just parenting. You sound like you need something to occupy yourself and you need to cut contact with the neighbour.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 Block this guys number now and stop this before it is to late. Be honest with your husband because if it comes from his friend and not you then you will end up losing him. That is just my advice.
It has only been six weeks, not six years, so you cannot really blame this on your husband being away. Fair enough you are lonely but that does not mean run to the neighbor for attention. Have you no friends to invite around? Family?
If you are wanting to go out to work, then say this to your husband, organize childcare and go and work.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 Oh my...! Just think of what your husband would do if he knew what he wanted to do with his wife when she wears shorts. My advice would be to talk to this guy, who I might add is hardly what I would consider a 'mate' to your husband. Mates don't behave like that. Plain and simple, no grey area. When I say talk, I mean frankly not flirty and say " hey, look this needs to stop NOW. No more txting, no more flirty chit chat, no coming over while my husband is away. I need to respect my husband, kids and myself" Acknowledge and be accountable for your part and that you too have crossed the line- no blame game stuff and stick to your guns. Next I would say TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND by telling him that you want to find a job and why. Whether it's paid or voluntary who cares. From what you post about your husband there is no need financially but as your own being you are entitled to work if that is what you so desire. Something from home even. Good to be able to fill in some of those lonely hours you talk about and without having to leave your kids. If not, why not put them in day care and help out at your eldest child's school? I wouldn't be asking for your husbands permission instead his understanding and support. If that is something he is not willing to do then perhaps you guy need to discuss his working arrangements and your new found vulnerability to be tempted to stray.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 "Oh! What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."
What the hell have you gotten yourself into and how could you allow this to happen OP? You have a loving partner who works so hard to give you and your family a good life, you're a mother...really...this is a terrible mess.
So here's the deal. You obviously cant tell the neighbour that you want to stop because obviously he wont. He's just looking for the first opportunity to drop his pants and he's not going to let you go this easily. And once you start, oh boy let me tell you, there's no way of stopping it unless it blows up in your face and your husband finds out. The guy could start blackmailing you to keep sleeping with you or he'll spill the beans and it'll get more and more disgusting.
OP there's just one thing to do and that is to come clean to your husband. You haven't physically cheated yet so there may be a chance of salvation. If he doesnt forgive you, then you've made your bed and you have to lie in it. Look, either way its a matter of time before you get caught, so don't drag it out.
If he does forgive you then I think its best if you move and look for another house if its possible and just get away from all this. Change your number...no contact with this guy.
More importantly, talk to your husband about his work situation because while its great that he's working so hard, his absence is obviously affecting you. Either he needs to cut back or you need to divert your mind in a constructive manner. Make new friends, safe friends. Even if you cant get a job, go out and volunteer. Work with animals, children, the elderly. Temptations are and will always be there, its your willpower that needs to come to play. Don't throw away a good life for a few orgasms, its so not worth it OP. Be a good mother and a good wife. Stop being selfish and think about all the lives that are linked to yours.
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