A
female
age
51-59,
*ulesg
writes:My Partner has just left me with an 8 week old baby and I'm really struggling to come to terms with this and finding life very difficult at the moment.We had been arguing for some months and had come to a stalemate situation. Several nights ago he said that he wanted some space and was going back to his mothers and had to work overtime at the weekend so best to go and focus on this. He has never been back to his mothers and I find out that he has not been at work and there was no planned overtime.This is not the first time he has gone and I really cant go on like this and fundamentally the trust has now gone out of our relationship. He wont answer his phone even though I simply asked him for an explanation and I'm at my wits end.He may have returned to Denmark ... I don't know where he is and I wonder whether the CSA would be able to trace someone outside the UK?Additionally, I can't afford the rent and bills as I am now on statutory maternity benefits and I wonder whether I can get any help at all? He used to give me money for shopping and we got by this way but with no additional money I don't know where I stand? Can anyone offer some help.I'm totally gutted.. I've been to see the Doctor as I have Post Natal Depression and i've also spoken with the Health Visitor. I do love him but cant go through this anymore... ie: the just walking away. I think this time he isn't coming back and some evenings I just want to end it all. My other little boy who is 11 has Aspergers and I know is having difficulties with my crying.... what do I do? How can I get through the grief?If anyone can offer support I would be so thankfulThank you
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male
reader, Hummingbird +, writes (10 June 2008):
Sadly, I believe that there is no easy answer to this question. My partner left me when my two sons were 13 and 14 years of age and I was running a 18 hour a day business. My sons stayed with me. I decided to take a hindsight view of our relationship and be completely honest about my own interaction with my wife. In time, I discovered that I had been partly responsible for the break up because my reaction to my partners behaviours were often negative and sometimes even destructive. I made a concsious decision, not to seek a new partner at that time before I had looked inside myself so that I could hopefully avoid masking the same mistakes in a new relationship. It took time and it was painful but with the help of a very experienced and empathetic counsellor, I worked my way towards a greater feeling of self worth and security in my personal life. Friends began to comment that not only did I seem to be recovering from the catastrophe of my loss but that I had actually changed and become more confident. So don't despair. Rather, take time to look at the cause and effect of your relationship. It may not seem to bring immediate relief but I can assure you from my own experience that if you are sincere in doing it and work with your feelings and findings, then in a few years time in a new relationship perhaps, you will reap the rewards and find meaningful purpose to your life.As for the children. Well, right now you have to pull out all the stops in your coping mechanisms portfolio. However, they will benefit from your future growth and your reward will surely be, stronger relationships with you as their mother in due course. My heart goes out to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): my partner has just done a simular thing to me also, we have a boy who is coming up two and an 11 week baby girl, we also been arguing alot latley this steems from strees of my illness also postnatal depression and i also think he fills asthough he is now missing out on life. he went out at the weekend not to return till monday morn and that wasnt to patch things up just to collect his belongings, i had a huge brake down and decided i wanted to end things im still here so obviously it didnt work and take my advice it is not worth it you have to think of your children if you done that they would be in the same situation as you right now alone and scared. i fill as though i wont get through this but unfortunly this isnt the first time this has happend to me so i know you can move on.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 There must be a way to make him pay child support. Its a legal right for the mother to get child support from the father in the US. What a prick. I mean, what kind of a man would walk away with no explanation to his partner and new born baby? A worthless one. Concentrate on finding financial aid and just keep your chin up. Yes, its hard now but it'll get better. Live, if not for yourself, live for your kids.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Oh Hunny
Having a child with autism is a hard enough situation to cope with without all of this, A new baby, post natal depression, I really wouldnt go after him, You need to focus on you right now, The citizans advise can offer you so much advice and point you in the right direction about what benefits you are intitled to hunny, Also victim support are a group that help women that have been in a hurtfull relationship and may be able to help you in this situation. What you need now is all the support you can get, You should have a social worker next time you go to your doctor lay your cards on the table you need help, Its nothing to be ashamed of, When you next see your health visitor tell her as well try if you can to see her as soon as possible. All these people are there to support you so you must ask it from them and dont hold back, You are an amazing mum and post natal depression can and will get the better of you if you dont seek medical advise and support for it, Look in the phone directory for a p.n.d group they have good people who have been through just what you are going through now and that will be another form of support, The more support the better you will feel as you wont feel so alone. You could contact the benefit for extra supplementary for help with the bills and food they should pay for your rent under these circumstanses, The citizans advise will tell you what you are entitled to now being a single mother. Hunny I no you are grieving about your partner and I think this will probably go on for awhile but it will get better and if you get all this support I have said you will feel stronger to be able to deal with the grieving prosess of a partner leaving like this. When your mind is more uncluttered with the worrys of rent bills and so on and you are getting more support you will then feel stronger to cope with the other things in life, I had post natal depression after the births of all my children the last was the worst but I didnt have a special needs child to take care off and I cant imagine what that must be like only that it must be so terribly hard with all these other problems on top.
You have to think of you and if you consentrate on getting help for you then you will get stronger love and as time goes on things will get better, if you need the support of a friend to talk with then message me hunny I am only to pleased to talk with you my husband walked out on me when I was 3 months pregnant I no the pain you are in. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, clover1974 +, writes (26 January 2008):
hi,first of all i bet your doing a better job with your kids than you think,its hard when you have postanal depression you cant see the wood for trees at the moment.my advice would be to go out with your kids everyday even to the park and go on walks try to go places that arent too busy so your kids cant get upto mischief because you will get irritated very easily with the postnatal depression your kids will love it and you will too,funny things will happen that will make you laugh.you need to forget about this man i know you might not think it at the moment but your better off without him, you and your kids are what matters and through time you will realise that its just cos your upset and vulnerable at the moment.time is a healer and keeping yourself busy you will overcome all this believe it or not you will sit back and laugh about all this.the most important people love and thats your children thats who could never live without not this man.yours clover1974
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 My empathies to you for your predicaments. I think , you could try your local MP for some financial help. He would be able to liaise with the proper authorities or charities to get you some financial help for you.
Do you have any relatives or friends ? Contact them about your position and get help from them.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, aftamath96 +, writes (26 January 2008):
Hey.... I real do feel for you but i cant help but feel that you better off without this man. To leave you with kids and a house to run without even a reason???
But dont wory my dad left when i was 4 leaving my mum also with my younger brother and sisster. She did ok and us kids are all fine. I promis you their is help out their, more benifits you can claim, the local job centre are their to help if you explain what has happened. Im sure their are benifits you could claim. Also you could apply for a crisis loan or a comuntiy care grant, again from the job centre. Both are for people in your situation "who need help with money"
If your concerned for the wellbeing of this man then i would call the police and report him missing,, if hes out their they'd find him, as everyone leaves a trail.
It will get better and their are a whole lot of places and people out their who can help. Keep smileing and if you ever just need someone 2 talk to im here.
All the best Gaz
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