A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner is not interested in having a sex life with me. He is under a lot of financial pressure which worries him constantly and living with me also means he has the added pressure of living with 2 children that aren't his own, which he finds very difficult to deal with.With out going into detail his financial pressures are huge. He says it is as a result of these pressures that he does not feel a sex life is important and trying to get himself out of his financial mess is all he can concentrate on.I can understand this, but what i do find difficult to deal with is that most days he wanks himself off, if i'm in the house or not and he gets aroused often by things on TV but will never turn to me to satify his urges. Is it normal under his circumstances that he should have these urges and wants but not want to have sex with me?. He tells me he does fancy me but just isn't in the right frame of mind.But I would have thought that if he was off sex that would apply to him wanking etc. I feel very confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): he's blaming it on the stress. Speaking out of my own experience looks like he just lost sexual attraction towards you. If it were the stress he would not be interested in sex at all, not just with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): He might not be in the right frame of mind to treat you in what he sees as a proper way in bed. While he might need and crave the release, he's in a mode where he's being selfish and knows it. Thinking himself not able to satisfy you means he's likely avoiding you. And the longer that goes on, the harder it is to make the first step -- once you've lived together as roomates for a few months, it comes to seem too strange.
As CaringGuy said, tell him how this makes you feel. If you're sympathetic, I'm sure you can work out some compromise.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 September 2009):
He's under a lot of stress, and when men are under a lot of stress, sometimes we can't perform properly (i.e. can't get an erection and so on.) He might be ashamed. You need to sit him down and tell him that you want to have sex with him because you want to stay close. Also, gently ask him about all his stress and see if there is anything you can do to help him. Don't expect miracles at first, but hopefully he'll listen to you and if he's feeling less stressed, then he'll be able to perform more easily.
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