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male
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*lanshere
writes: I have been with my partner for 3 years now. The sex was great at first and after 8 months we moved in together, then he started saying he thought we should try threesomes or clubs to make things more interesting. I agreed to go along but I was uncomfortable but tried not to show it. We then moved abroad with our 2 dogs as we wanted to get away from our ex's and past lives.We both work from home and so 24 hours a day together. Last November my salary was over 2 months late and my job was looking dodgy. I didnt tell my partner that it was so bad and on a promise of getting my salary I paid our rent from his bank account. I didnt manage to pay the money back in and he found out and claimed I had stolen it and was very upset. Said this was what his ex used to do all the time. Things moved on and after a couple of arguements things settled down again.7 weeks ago we got drunk on a night out and brought back a guy for a 3some. My bf liked him a lot and decided he wanted him as a friend or a sexbuddy. He then began neglecting me more and more, being uninterested and non communicative. Secretive with his mobile and emails. Going out to meet with his new friends and getting back early in the morning. On the night before my birthday he went out and I stayed awake waiting for a happy birthday text but none came and so I texted him to say that as I was hurt. Things were getting more strained... he said suddenly he hadnt forgiven me from taking the money from last year, that we weren't having sex anymore, that he loved me but not as a partner. I found emails from him talking to this guy we had the 3some with saying they loved each other. I asked him if he was cheating and he said no and that I knew he liked this guy anyway. I was away on business and knew they were in our bed for the days I was away. Now he wants to move out to a hotel for some space. I am being very careful not to stay the wrong thing as I do love him so much and want him so badly to stay as I know we are so good together. I even have texts from him just before he met the other guy saying i was the love of his life.What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 Time for you to move on, as its obvious he has. Put this one down to experience and think very carefully next time you want to spice up your sex life, there are other ways to do that other than bringing another person into the equation, these methods rarely bring anything other than heartache, on this occassion it seems that it is you that has the broken heart to mend.
You made a mistake by taking his money without telling him, he is having trouble trusting you now. Something tells me though that this is being used as an excuse for his behaviour a way of apportioning blame.
Your b/f has fallen for the sex buddie, is lying to you and cheating on you. Is this the sort of relationship you want?
Let him go.
Live and learn.
Good luck.x
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (26 March 2006):
 I think you need the get away from this crazy situation. He's obviously moved on and to be honest, the whole situation sounds a bit freaky! You need to leave him to do what he wants with this other guy. You need to find someone who loves and respects you enough to be faithful and to make you happy.
I think this is a lesson to many people that threesomes are sometimes not a good idea for so many reasons. If he had bi-sexual tendencies, this was even more of a bad idea for you two but the mistake has been made now and you just need to move on.
Don't pussy-foot around him, you've done nothing wrong. He's not bothered about the money, that's nothing compared to what he's done. He's just using this as an excuse, something to throw in your face and make you feel guilty every time you mention him going off with someone else. How he can even compare what he's done to you with that I don't know.
I know you love him but you can't live this any longer. It freaked me out just to read it, I have no idea what it must be like for you. I hope you find the guts to get out while you can and find someone who makes you happy.
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A
female
reader, kittykatty +, writes (26 March 2006):
listen babe if you are sure he is having an affair you need to forget about him and move on... im sure their are plenty of guys out there that would like to meet you and although you love him can you really love a man you know is cheating on you? You need to sit him and the sex-partner down and have a long chat with them and make them tell you what their feelings are for each other and for you! If they both love eachother you need to move on and forget about him although that may seem hard time will heal the pain and you will soon be out having fun again! hope everything works out ok huni good luck kitty
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