A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi my partner of three years lives with me and is always struggling financially due to being a contract worker with intermittent income who also has to pay maintenence for his child with ex wife. Often he contributes little or nothing as he first pays maintenance and then gets what is left over. This whole month he paid for nothing in our household no rent or food and when some money came in about half way through the month he used it for a golf trip for himself and his son and continues to contribute nothing to our household. If there is to be food on the table next week I will have to buy it. I don't have the strength to go on this way I feel too used. He promises it will get better one day but nothing has changed for a year. How long do I wait? He makes me feel as if I am being mean or selfish when I ask him for a contribution and just says I alteady know his situation. Thanks
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 How long do you wait? You don't, I think you have waited long enough already. If you were not supporting him, who would? He would. If he didn't live with you he would have no choice but to figure things out and make his way so personally I think he's slack and taking the piss. Time for him to go and I would start with the catalyst being 'the golf trip'. Nothing selfish or mean about it. A man that mooches of his lady and thinks it's ok is just an embarrassment.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Ooh dear, he seems to have his priorities a little wrong. He can afford a golfing holiday but not to put food on the table? One question: why have YOU allowed this to go on for a year? There is no way he has NOTHING left after paying maintenance for his child. It is just that he chooses to spend it elsewhere.It is your choice on how long you choose to put up with this. Personally I would not have put up with it for more than the length of time it took me to realize I was not a priority to him. Rest assured, if you are prepared to wait, you will be waiting for a long long time. Probably for ever. I think your partner needs to go back to living on his own so he can remember that bills have to be paid. He managed somehow before he moved in with you so he will manage again. This comes under the heading of taking the p*ss.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Tell him to move out. Give him 2 weeks 30 days to find a place to live.
You can still date, but for now, you can't live with him. I think that is fair enough. I would just tell him that you can't afford to have him live with you and NEVER contribute. for him to go on a vacation to GOLF with his kid over helping out with bills? It's irresponsible and not OK.
It's been 3 years and nothing has changed. YOU have allowed this for 3 years when is enough, enough?
Of course, child maintenance should take priority, but he should live off you.
Maybe... this is why he is no longer married? His ex-got tired of taking care of him too?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2016): "He promises it will get better one day but nothing has changed for a year."
Why would he want anything to change? He's getting exactly what he wants from you: free room, free board, free sex. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
"How long do I wait?"
As long as you're willing to let him string you along so he can continue mooching off you, which would appear to be indefinitely.
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