A
female
age
51-59,
*arla-Ann
writes:Hi, I'd been dating this guy for 3months. At first we would go on dates about 3 times a week, then it cut down to once or twice a week and thereafter we'd only get to seeing each other once a month. I thought his kids had something to do with this as he'd sometimes phone to tell me he wanted to takee out but couldn't as his kids had planned some surprise diner/party for him. At first it didn't bother me but then I began to notice that these surprises were happening on our date nights. So, I told him that I thought his kids didn't like me because I'm of a different race. He became upset and asked for a month off. I felt so bad and I kept trying to get us to meet and talk about it but he wouldn't do that. Then one night I went crazy as I phoned him to talk and he wouldn't talk to me. I was hurt and said a really nasty thing that made him block me on whatsapp. I sent him a message (he wouldn't take my calls), apologizing for what I'd said then didn't contact him for awhile. I message him the other day and was elated that he replied me. Then last night, I poured my heart out to him in a message and he hasn't replied me. I don't know what to make of his silence and its really killing inside. Please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2016):
 He used his children as an excuse because he did not know how to end things with you. He sounds immature. Don't blame yourself or his children for his cruel behavior. Hold your head up high and move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): People just cut each other off so quickly nowadays.No chance to explain or say I am sorry.It's sad. And says a lot about HIM.I will not blame you totally OP.I have a heart too and I understand where you are coming from.Sometimes in the heat of anger we say things we do not mean. And we should not be crucified for them. They came from a place of vulnerability and feeling hurt. Sadly he was cold and did not have the heart to try to listen or understand or even to forgive. Which is what people do when they truly care about someone. He did not. Because he was not into the relationship as much as you were. And this just gave him an easy out. He did not care enough.You will find someone better. Someone who understands that you were only reaching out for attention from a man who was not paying enough attention to you. I am sorry your feelings are hurt and that you are hurt. Our hearts are so precious. He was not worth yours. Hugs.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Consider this a lesson learnt, and move on. If there's a next time for dating a man with children - DO NOT EVER BLAME THE CHILDREN. You cannot ever say anything negative about another person's children, regardless of how strongly you feel the need to enlighten them. You will always come off second-best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2016): I think he's using his kids as an excuse, and it is he who is sabotaging the not-yet-established relationship. It sounds like a cowards tactics when he doesn't have the stones to just say "it's been nice, but I don't think it's working;" or "I'd like to end this and see other women."
You never attack someone's kids or bring them into the matter. Dating is between you and him. No matter what you may suspect about the kids, you leave them out of it. He's an adult and he makes his own decisions. He may be a devoted father, but that's part is between him and his kids.
You ruined it for yourself by getting nasty. Well, that showed your true colors. Someone with a heated temper is not the type of person you want around your kids, parents, or friends.
Single-parents are dating not just for themselves; but they are also considering whom they're bringing into the lives of their kids, if they are not yet adults.
It has only been 3 months, and you hardly know the man. Then you implied that his children are bigoted. That would be offensive to just about anyone, even if it's true; but you shouldn't tell a parent that. It reflects on their parenting, which is where most bigots pickup that ignorant mindset.
Like Honeypie says, block his number. He's a coward and a wuss.
I'm not letting you off the hook. Handle your temper and mind your words in such situations. What comes out of your mouth is a reflection on your character, it measures your temperament and disposition. A quick-temper and verbal-abuse are total deal-breakers in almost every case.
Another lesson you can gain from this is how to handle passive-aggressive behavior. The silent-treatment is a mind-game, and it is a form of mental-torture. When someone pulls that tactic, totally ignore them no matter how agonizing it may be. You are empowering them when you allow it to get to you. It takes the wind out their sails when they get no desperate response, or silence in return. They will wait and call to test your response, and only to see if their torture is effective. So give a mundane or cool reaction. Give them an award-winning performance. It will discourage passivee-agreesive behavior; or at least let them know they're dealing with another adult. Cut the bullsh^t!
Play soothing music, reorganize the cabinets and fridge, go for a long run or walk; or call a friend you miss, to distract your mind and thoughts. That sort of behavior is also a red-flag as to what you can expect from someone who doesn't know how to be forthright and honest about how they feel. They lack the ability to effectively communicate, and cannot earn trust.
Pouring your heart out after scornful words is just asking someone to dismiss your rude and childish behavior. You should have had it under control to begin with. You handed him an easy out.
Now move on, my dear!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 And he probably won't reply. Ever.
Sweetheart, painful as it is, you have to face up to the distinct possibility that this man is just not interested in you any longer. He is just not man enough to tell you it is over. All this baloney about his kids planning surprise this or that for him . . . it is just that: RUBBISH.
You deserve better than a man who cannot even finish a relationship honestly and cleanly. He is a cruel immature coward.
Let him go and find someone who deserves you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Leave it be. STOP contacting him and honestly? block his number.
To be frank, I don't think the kids planned surprise parties and dinners EVERY time they knew he had a date with you, I think HE used his kids as an excuse to not go out with you.
He is done.
Be done with him too. He wasn't a good match, he didn't REALLY want to date you.
Why be so stuck on a guy who can't even be honest with you?
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