A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I work full time and am up at 420am each day. I often work until 6pm. I have a two hour break in between where I can come home then return to work. My partner is retired and spends his time at home. I do most of the cleaning on the weekends, the laundry and pay a lot of bills. He gives me 500.00 a month for "room and board" and not much beyond that. I rely on him to prepare meals for us as Iam not home to do so. For the last 2 years he is on speed dial with the daughter for babysitting services. She is married and has a husband and both make good money, yet refuse to get and pay for day care. This means iam stuck cooking on my 2 hours off, spending money to buy take out food, or simply settling for a sandwich or frozen dinner. Am I wrong to feel that she should put us first, since his daughter has 3 other grandparents that she can rely on?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (11 February 2019):
 WiseOwlE is right.. this man is your partner, not your caretaker. What he does with his time as a retired man is his business and whether he gets paid for it is also his business. My in-laws take care of FOUR grand children by themselves. They don't take a single penny from their children. They don't do it for the money, they do it because they love their grandchildren.
If you want your partner to prepare meals for you, why not ask? Maybe meet him half way... prep some meals where he can throw into the oven an hour before you come home.
If I am busy that week, I usually prep (pre-cut veggies, marinate meats, etc) and leave them in the fridge so that it literally only takes me 15 minutes to cook when I want to eat. You need communication and compromise. Please work on these with your partner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2019): What would you do if you were single? I also work 14 hour days, prepare my own meals, respond to this site throughout my day, and get-in some time to do charity work. I run a large company as a regional director. I do have someone come in every other week to do some light cleaning and housework. I do most of it myself.
Your partner is retired; so I will presume he is over 65. He is spending time with his grandchildren; not just babysitting. He's not doing it for the money, he loves being with the children. I'm sure they love having him around.
Retirement means you've paid your dues and deserve to do little to nothing! You'll get your turn. He doesn't have to spend his retirement as you feel he should. He earned it.
I can only further presume you haven't discussed finances or redistribution of household chores? Things change over time and the cost of living increases. Therefore, you need a budgetary meeting to discuss your finances.
This inequity can best be resolved by a sit-down with your partner and doing some negotiating. If you're just expecting him to read your mind and assume his responsibilities "because he ought to" makes absolutely no sense. Mind-reading doesn't exist. Nagging usually causes deliberate deafness and selective-hearing. So employ effective-communication.
Why would a romantic-partner pay "room and board?" What kind of partner is he? Roommate, husband, or boyfriend? What?
The post is somewhat sketchy; so if your approach to your relationship is as unclear; it's no wonder you're frustrated. It seems nothing has been worked-out to adjust each partners role in awhile; so things are sort of disorganized and lopsided. If he's on a fixed retirement income; maybe he is doing the best he can. If not, ask for more money to pay the bills.
His daughter's income and what she and her husband can afford is none of your business. Your issue is unrelated.
Leaving their children with someone they love, a role-model, and giving him a chance to spend time getting to know his grandchildren is an ideal situation. Even while babysitting!
She loves her father and trusts him with her kids. Maybe the kids may prefer being with him to the other grandparents. Again, that's not for you to decide; or any of your business.
Apparently $500.00 per month was an agreed amount at some earlier point; or you should ask for more. Why would he refuse? Unless he can't afford it.
A man who loves sitting his grandchildren doesn't strike me as a mean and unreasonable person. I can only speculate that if you both sat-down and hashed this out; you could come-up with a suitable arrangement that would give you some relief.
Here's a suggestion. He can prepare and put meals in containers when he's sitting the children. On your day off; you could both prepare meals for the week and freeze them.
How much laundry does two mature people have to do in a week? There are no children living with you, just the two of you. Do you change several times a day?
I think you're really complaining about being left alone. If you complain a lot, you're cranky, or always tired; he may be giving you space. He wants a more upbeat and friendly environment; so he chooses being with the kids over you.
Assess the situation. Look at it from a compromising position and be nice about it. See what happens. Ask for more money if you need it.
Tell him how you feel. Be calm and pleasant in how you discuss it. When you want something from someone, negotiation goes best in a cordial atmosphere. Not when you're snippy or critical.
To be honest, I wouldn't want to spend a lot of time with someone who complains and criticizes me all the time. I would also take issue with someone who had a problem with me spending time with family and babysitting my own grandchildren. I would think that's a person difficult to be around.
You work very hard, so most of this is venting. I understand. Talk to him, my dear.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 February 2019):
 Why not spend a day doing meal prep for the week? Do it together. That way you know it gets done and what yu are having for the week.
It sounds like you are more upset that he is helping out his daughter and spending time with his grandchild than anything.
However, IF you two had TALKED about chore dividing and HIS "job" is to prepare food, then you need to have a talk with him.
I would also suggest that he gets some other chores as he is obviously NOT doing a good job with the preparing the dinners. So he can do other things instead.
...............................
|
