A
female
age
30-35,
*abbieD
writes:This is going to be a bit long, so bear with me... My boyfriend (age 22) and I (23) have been dating a little over a year now. I moved out when I was seventeen to go to a university some distance from my house, but I am now living with my parents since I transferred to a local university. Since this is super-long distance (international) and we're both students, it's hard to find exact timing to see each other physically. He came down here once in October and met my mother, and after the initial "he's going to knock you up and abandon you" tirade, she seems to have accepted him... somewhat; but most certainly not to the extent to be able to tell my parents "I've found someone I might be able to spend my entire life with" or that I am no longer single. Valentine's Day is coming up, and I wanted to visit him, since we both have that week off from Thursday. The thing is, I'm living with my parents, and my parents are extremely old-fashioned (despite having me out of wedlock...). Hence, no visiting him without chaperone (my mother, who cannot come with me during that weekend). It's been just over three months since we last saw each other physically, and it's getting pretty hard on both of us. I am well aware that most young 'uns have unmarried sex and that is frowned upon by parents no matter what their age, but he and I began the relationship (we were friends then) BECAUSE we agreed that pre-marital sex just isn't for us. He is my first boyfriend and I his first girlfriend as well, and all he wants to do is show the town he grew up in, go to the art gallery, e.t.c. Neither of us can drink (I physically cannot tolerate alcohol) so drunk sex will not be happening. I understand that this is their house and their rules, but they also did not let me crash at my gay friend's house when I had a team meeting that ran too late. I lived by myself for two years before I transferred university and came back untouched. I think I've been fairly responsible in the past; I've never snuck out, I've never drunk while underage, I've never used illegal drugs. My curfew was ten until age 17 (when I left for university) and I kept that without fail. My boyfriend was considerate enough to not even hold my hand until I gave him explicit permission.So my question is this: am I being teenager-ish by thinking that this is unfair? Or are they right?
View related questions:
drugs, drunk, moved out, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 It's a no brainer really. ACTIONS ALWAYS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
You've proven you're trustworthy. If they do let you go then don't blow it by doing the dirty.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, GabbieD +, writes (8 January 2013):
GabbieD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear anon_e_mouse,
Thank you for your quick response! I feel a bit more reassured to hear that I sound trustworthy enough. I am well aware that my parents love me, and all they want is my success; this is why I always question whether I'm just being childish or they might have different views from me (or perhaps they just lack enough information to give correct assessment). It's always a bit more definitive to get perspectives from a 3rd party reader. Thank you so much!
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (8 January 2013):
Perhaps your Mum and Dad struggled after they had you and don't want the same for you. Perhaps they want better for you.
You have high integrity and are trustworthy based on your actions alone. So why not have a talk with your parents? If you really wanted to you could've done it by now while you were away.
You're not a little girl anymore. You know what's right and you don't want to get drunk or have pre-marital sex. You could've done it behind their back at University but you haven't.
"All I'm asking is for you to trust me".
That sort of thing. Based on your actions I would have to say if you were my daughter I'd let you go. Don't forget your parents aren't being like this to be a pain in the a$$. You are their most precious thing in the world and they only wants best for you.
Perhaps you can tell them "I know you want the best for me but I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm not interested in drinking or pre-marital sex. Tom (or whatever his name is) and I have talked about it and we both agree pre-marital sex is a no-no".
"By the way did you know I wouldn't even let my boyfriend hold my hand until I gave him permission?".
"I'm just asking, I really want to see him on Valentine's Day, trust me to do the right thing as I have always done"
...............................
|
