A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 18 and I have been in a relationship with the same guy for over four years now. My parents have known about the relationship the whole time, but have never let me actually go on a date until I turned 18.Anyway, now that I am 18, my parents let me go to see a movie with my boyfriend. I had a really nice time and was really happy they let me go. But when I got back, my dad asked who paid for it and I said that we did it 50/50. Being the ultraconservative sexist man he is (he doesn't even think I should have a job after I get married), he got really mad and yelled at me and called my bf. Then my mom got involved. Both think he should have paid for me too. Is there some sort of unwritten rule that says the man has to pay on the first date or is this just an overreaction? Or both? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 NOBODY should ever assume to be paid for. It is your own responsability to pay your own way. Should someone choose to treat you to something and desire to pay, that's fine. You should return the favour though. It's really none of your parents business and the fact they called the poor guy is over the line.
Think about this rationally. You workd for your money, he works for his. Why should his go towards paying your entertainment costs. As a parter, we like to make our mates feel special. But under you parents rule, you'd never be able to extend the same courtesy to him. I know I would feel resentful after a while.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): I think you have answered your own problem here, your father is an "ultraconservative sexist man" you as his daughter have to just bare this in mind and try not to react to his reaction.
I don't think there is anything wrong with going 50/50 in the slightest. I would say I am quite traditional in many ways but I would actually see it as an encouraging quality if a girl wanted to contribute financially 50% in a date such as this. The days when women can't financially support themselves are long gone!
There are, of course, those special times when one person pays for everything. Maybe if it's a surprise, or a birthday, or some other special occasion. That's what makes it truely romantic though, isn't it. When you do something out of love rather than because society tells you to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Don't tell your parents everything that happens then in future they can't comment. You are over 18 and can do as you like. I think in this day and age it is only fair that us girls pay our way and go half and stuff. You did right.
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Yes your parents completely over reacted !!!! we are in 2007 not 1957 whenever i go out with my GF we always split it or if i pay one time and she'll pay the next. I mean i dont expect her to iron my cloths and cook and clean for me so why wud i pay for her! Same applies to your situation im guessing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): its not a rule, but it is 'the gentlemans' thing to do when you take a woman out to pay for her meal,ticket etc.
but these are the days of equality and if a woman wishes to pay her way then thats fine, at least offer..if he chooses to treat you, let him. dont insist you pay other wise you may offend him.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Absolutely not! It totally depends on the guy. I'd never assume a guy was going to pay for me on the first date. In situations where the guy has paid I've always offered to shout next time (This is also a handy way of assuring there is a next time) Essentially it's none of your parents business who pays on dates but if it'll ruin your chances of dating this guy maybe you could agree to tell your parents that he pays all the time. However I really don't think it's their business. You're 18 now, your own person, and they have to start to let you go or they'll push you away forever.
CD
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