A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't want this to come off as me being ungrateful or spoiled but I've always had problems and issues with money. Let me explain a little further. I grew up in poverty and it was that way my entire life. It never bothered me until I became a young teenager and understood that my parents struggled so much and that we literally didn't have money for anything, not even bills most of the time. I honestly feel like my parents didn't try their best when it came to raising my younger brother and I. They worked low payed part time jobs, sometimes even went months without working at all because they claimed they were so tired but spent money we couldn't afford on gambling and shopping. We were always in tremendous debt. It's almost as if they didn't take life and their financial situation seriously. I couldn't do much as a teen like go out to parties, go on field trips, go on vacations, heck even just have a family day out because we honestly couldn't afford any of that. Looking back on it I kind of feel like I missed out a lot in life because of money issues and that my parents didn't provide the best life they could. I ended up not going off to college with my best friend like planned because I wanted to save for a car and have save up to have some money in my savings. I'm currently trying my best to get my life together but to be honest I have some anger towards my parents.Do I have a right to be angry with my parents? Or am I just being ungrateful. I needed to get this off my chest so thanks for reading.
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female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (6 May 2015):
 I'm very drawn right now to say no you don't have the right, and yes you are being ungrateful.
Simply, financial situation is something every one of us is managing the best they possibly can. It's not like someone "could" work harder, make better choices etc. but chooses not to - everyone really does the best they can. If they could do it better they would, because money is a life necessity, similar to for example food or sex, it's in your own best interest to do as good as you can, and you do.
So whatever your parents were doing they did the best they could, and to repeat, if they could have done it any better they certainly would.
Think about their angle, living poorly is something that certainly bothered them as much as it was bothering you, if not even more.
I'm glad you're asking this question and wondering if you're ungrateful, it means you are able to at least see how what you're feeling could be perceived as ungratefulness. It kind of is, if you consider that they did their best and you're not appreciating the positives but focusing on the negatives.
I can relate to the feelings of anger, and maybe there are other things to actually blame them for, but the financial situation isn't one of them. I hope you realize yourself that's a fact, but either way it doesn't matter by now.
You are a grown men, so try not to repeat your parents' actions you see as mistakes. Letting go of the resentment and negative feelings could only help you with that. Best of luck!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 May 2015):
 Hold on a second.
Everything you wrote, I felt badly about and understood your frustration UNTIL you said this:
"I ended up not going off to college with my best friend like planned because I wanted to save for a car and have save up to have some money in my savings."
Now that you are of age, what your parents do or don't do with their money has nothing to do with what YOU choose, and your choices have nothing to do with them. The moment you start resenting your parents for the choices YOU make is the moment you doom yourself to denial over YOUR destiny.
Why didn't you have a job as a teenager? That's how I was able to do things for myself. I went to college plus ran a full-time job. You're in control of your own financial destiny. Go look up financial classes at your bank or at school or county classes offered to learn good management since your parents don't know what they're doing.
It's one thing to be upset you couldn't go to Disneyworld or have brand-name stuff growing up, but it's another thing to become an adult, make your own foolish choices, and then blame your parents.
If you continue this line of thinking, you'll be doomed to follow in their footsteps, because I bet anything they blame something external for their problems as well. Most people blame having kids for their financial woes (not being able to work longer or choice of jobs or the cost of raising a kid, which is almost a quarter million dollars over the course of an 18-year life).
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 May 2015):
 Parents can be a lot like the weather. You may not like it, today, but it might change tomorrow.... AND, in the long run, you might not like the weather where you are, AT ALL.....
BUT, your parents ARE your parents. Give them credit for whatever they COULD and DID to for you and your brother..
Then, now that you and he are adults.... don't repeat what they did.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 May 2015):
 It sounds to me like your parents have addictions if they would rather shop and gamble than pay bills.
People with addictions are doing the best they can with the tools they have at the time.
It does no good for you to be angry and resentful of them for doing the best they could with the tools they had.
I don't think you have a RIGHT to be angry. But you are. I would learn to work through that anger and let it go NOT for your parents but rather for YOURSELF.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 May 2015):
 Most of us are the products of our upbringing, our parents included, and while a lucky few are born with that extra "oomph" that gives them the drive and determination to achieve against the odds, many more of us remain dancing the dance steps we learnt from our parents, struggling to make sense of it all.
Let the anger go, your parents did the best they could with the tools and knowledge they had at the time.
You don't have to do things the same way they did, but its not going to be easy .... you will have to be tough on yourself and be prepared to question why and how you make decisions about money and lifestyle.
To break the cycle you are going to have to do things differently to how your parents did it, this means setting yourself a budget, putting a savings plan in place, working toward studying for your college education (can you do a few units at a time externally?)
Get help from the experts, a site I like is "Everyday Cheapskate" which has some great hints and tips for getting on track and debt free, I recommend you take a look and maybe get a plan in place for your future so that you don't repeat your parent's mistakes.
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