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My parents split up and it's tearing me apart

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Question - (18 May 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 10 August 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my mam and dad had been together for 20 years, about a year ago they split up and it tore me apart, i didnt eat or anything, but i realised why should i put myself through it, about 2 months after splitting up they decided to give it another go, it was workin fine and then out of the blue my dad said he had feelings for another woman, he may well of ripped my mams heart out, i cannot stop cryin, i even cry myself to sleep, i only have 1 person to talk to and thats my best friend but she goes to cornwall for ages all the time so i keep it to myself, it tears me up, i dont know what to do now, ive got my exams comin up and i cant stop thinkin about it all! please help me

View related questions: best friend, my ex, split up

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A female reader, evadiva United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2010):

first my parents have just told me that they r spliting up but what you need to do is think of the positive rather than the negative, see like the negative is you dont think they can both manage it on there own and you feel hurt inside i know but think of the posative its not like anybodys diying just try your best not to think about it

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010):

i kno how yhoo feel, my ,mum and dad split up when i was ten as my dad was having an affiar it is so harrdd you just feel like you dont want to live bt you have to carry on going dont let it bother youu, they will both love yhoo even if they int togetehr so live your lifee and eventually it will all coem along nicely

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):

Hi, I know what you're going through there. My parents split up first when I was 12 for one night, they told me the next day that they were going to give it another try. Around 2 months later, it came out that my mum had had a affair and they split up properly, then around 4 months later, they decided to give it another go. Then they split up again just last Christmas there. It didn't affect me as much as the first proper time (second time technically). It is difficult to talk to your parents, are you scared of showing favourtism? I had two best friends, one of who this time round showed no interest in me and could only talk about her new bf (which really helped me *rolls eyes*) I'm at University, and have just finished my exams, and I couldn't stop thinking of everything that has gone (and still is, to this very minute). Try and find somebody you can trust, and tell them. It is hard, there is no really easy way through it, the first time it happened, it changed me, and I am still that changed person, and this time round, I've changed again. It's not an easy road, especially if you didn't see it coming. Those immortal words of 'time is a healer' is true here, it's just something to accept, however hard. It's not really surprising you can't stop thinking about it, because it is at home, and home is the main place of all your life. I've started worrying about stupid things like, who do I spend Christmas with? If I buy my dad's girlfriend a birthday present, will my mum get jealous and think I don't love her anymore? What got me through it the first time (and quite surprisingly) was to talk to a teacher at school, because I found talking to an adult who could understand why more than I could helped (and as I later found, he had been through the same as my parents). Try that, and see if you can maybe feel better about it, because maybe some of the frustration is that you can't understand and can't make sense of what has happened, and therefore you can't deal with it fully. Hope this helps, and comment back if you want to talk to me, I'll be using the name skull_lover_44.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks very much to both of u for replyin, i have a good relationship with both of them really but i cant talk to either of them, i don't know why, but it just doesn't help

thanks again for the advice

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

You cannot know what is going on between your parents, and is best that you not know and stay away from it.

Try, while the drama goes on, to spend more time with friends, try not to allow this to get the best of you, it has nothing to do with you as to why they are having problems, don't let this problem pull you into it to. It will be tough, but you need to seperate there conflicts from your world the best you can. Remain nutural at all times with your dad and mom on the issue.

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A male reader, jezman United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2008):

jezman agony auntim doing my GCSEs as well. first of all look on the bright side of life. it sounds ridiculous but it works for me.

instead of dwelling on my sorrows and regrets i take a deep breath and think about all of the things i take for granted :) birds singing, soft grass, roof over my head.

my parents have also split up and its a terrible experience. do you talk to your mum? you'll be suprised just how much ur mum loves you and craves your attention and friendship. put aside any differences and have a chat with her.

is there any other family you can talk to? and how is your relationship with your dad?

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