A
male
age
41-50,
*oneydo
writes:I am in a troubled relationship right now of one and a half years. We fell in love with each other as soon as we met. She is very fun to be around when she is actually in a good mood and when things are going her way. Lately, she has given me the ultimatum that she wants more and that if i cant give that to her then we cant be together. Things are going well for the both of us financially and we would like to move in together. I cannot do that right now because i am in a coownership with a house and i cant move out. I have been thinking of foreclosing, getting rid of my partner since he wants to move out too and having us movein together. I am just starting this right now to check my numbers and she knows that. But in the meantime she says she wants more and i honestly dont know what that entails. I dont want to lose her because i love her yet she makes me feel like she does not love me. She says she wants to be mad number one and i think i do but obviously i dont since she feels like that. She wants everthing to be about her and on and on. she wants to be treated like a princess and more romance. I am lost when she says this stuff. I feel like i do. MAybe i am just a dumb guy that doesnt know how to do this stuff but i dont want to be. I dont want to lose her. I jsut need some advice on how we can work things out. Thank you very much for any responses. They are greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, ricbax  +, writes (18 May 2008):
You can only work things out if you can make her concede that she can't be number one all the time and that she needs to give as well as take. Do you want to spend your life catering to a pampered princess? She's only happy to be with you when things are going her way, never mind what you might think.
She's playing a game with you. She knows you don't want to lose her, hence the threat of leaving you if you don't give in to her demands. Is this really the sort of girl you want to make a commitment to?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): There are some different possibilities behind her behaviour. Maybe she does need more from you - maybe she's feeling neglected and you haven't noticed. But as you seem genuinely confused by what she means, you clearly need to talk it over with her. Re-iterate your plans for the future (regarding the house etc) and ask her what she wants. Maybe she doesn't want to move in with you but can't bring herself to tell you.
On one hand, she's obviously got problems. Are you really listening to her when she talks to you; *really* making a change to your behaviour for her benefit? On the other, however, it's a two way street. She has to compromise from her side too. She can't be making outlandish requests when you're busy with other things and sitting back waiting for things to pick up.
Of course, there's a more depressing outlook on things. Sometimes women (the vile creatures that we are) want out of a relationship, but can't go through with it, or can't accept the blame. So they will issue an ultimatum to their partners that they know will never be fulfilled. Or be specifically vague so that they can create arguments when their partner's side of the ultimatum hasn't been carried out.
So my advice to you is to sit down and have a thorough talk with your girlfriend. Only she can tell you what she really wants. Does she think that you carrying out her ultimatum will really fix all your ills? Make her understand she needs to work at the relationship too, if she really still wants to be in it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Join the club young man. Most men are in your shoes, and it is typical for certain types of women to assume we know what they mean.
If anything, have you and your house partner sell the property, it sounds like you both want it, don't complicate things with this deal and this woman your having problems with, it won't go away soon, and most likely, you will not be able to convince her otherwise.
Beyond the house situation, you need to chat with her about this do more for her. You probably already have and she just isn't getting it. If she refuses to accept your failings and work with you on it, then it would be a mistake to continue a relationship with her, because she will always want and not offer any help. If you marry her, you will have a full time job with her, and if you don't fulfill her every desire, she will probably will have an affair, and she will blame you because your not doing your job. She is baggage you don't need. If she can't come to reality that men are not capable of doing this when they have other responsibilities, she will wear you out with her demands.
Most likely, you will find yourself asking latter about who satisfies you. Most likely, all she does will feel like a quickie, and she never truly satisfies your needs, especially in sex. When you become depressed, there will be no room in her heart to lift you up, but to critize you instead. She needs a wake up call, so tell her point blank, hold nothing back, tell her the way you feel and how her attitude needs to be more of a partner, compassionate and caring, if not, then she needs to hit the road. Otherwise, if she moves in with you, and your business partner sells his shares to you, you could find yourself outside looking in and her with the house. You live in the USA, and women are permitted to clean your clock, and the courts will be sympathethic with her, and automatically paint you as a bastard.
Good luck!
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