A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, sorry if this seems a really petty comment.. So last December (2014) when I was in my final year of University my parents told me they were selling the house. When I asked where they were moving to, they told me separate places. That was their way of telling me they were breaking up. Christmas was a few months later, and normally we would have friends or other family round, but it was just the three of us, in the same house and it was nice. Christmas is huge to me and I've always had it in my childhood home, Around March this year I found out my mum had a boyfriend, and then in the summer I met him and soon found out they had been dating a lot longer than a few months. I think it's the main reason for my parents split. The boyfriend is a nice man though and my mum seems happy.My main problem is about Christmas this year. The house still hasn't sold, so I would love to be there. My parents both still live there which is awkward as they are separated (not divorced yet) but dad works away a lot so it's a bit easier. The thought of not being in that house (old, Christmassy, nostalgic) makes me sad. But if I did go it would be with my mum and her boyfriend... Which would be a bit rubbish as I only met the boyfriend a couple times and it is still a bit awkward. Another option is going with my dad to my half brothers house and his family. We all get on so well and that would be lovely but I know it would make my mum sad.Last option is going to my boyfriends. We moved in together a few months ago and he offered for me to have Christmas with his family. At first I thought this seemed great, I want to be with him and it means I don't have to choose between my parents. But it's not like it would just be for the day, as we would need to get a flight to his parents house.. So it would take up a good chunk of the Christmas season when I would want to see my family too. And I'm worried that at his im just going to feel sad missing what I had. To be honest I will probably feel a bit sad wherever I am.Sorry this post is a bit pathetic. I know I'm old enough (21) to deal with my parents splitting. I know I should be so grateful that I even have these options for Christmas as there are people so much worse off.But I just wanted to know if anyone had any suggestions for what I should do. Like I said Christmas is huge to me and I have so many memories. I'm sad I might not get to be in the same place and Of course even more sad I won't see my parents (if I go to my boyfriends) but the thought of having to choose is too hard. Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2015): Another option is going with my dad to my half brothers house and his family. We all get on so well and that would be lovely but I know it would make my mum sad.There's your answer. You'll be happiest going with your Dad to your half brother's house.Yes your mum will get upset. But your dad will also get upset if you stay with your mum and her bf. Someone is going to be upset every year because you can't be in two places at once. But that comes with splitting up and they'll understand. I'm sure wants what's best for you and so does your Dad. So don't do this for them. Choose what's best for you personally. I'm sorry you're going through this. You can't replicate your life as it was so try not to compare then and now. It might not be your ideal Christmas whatever happens but it can still be good in a different way.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (14 October 2015):
I agree with Honeypie. A lot of people find Christmas difficult because you can’t please everyone. There’s just one day and you can’t be in multiple places at once, so perhaps you could alternate each year which person you actually spend the day itself with, but there’s no reason not to have 2 Christmas days, as many do. Boxing Day can be just as much fun, and just as much of a celebration (I actually much prefer it). If you don’t have a clear idea with whom you’d prefer to spend Christmas day, , perhaps it’s worth considering it this way: at your Dad’s, you’ll see more of your family – in other words more of the people you care about most. Your Mum has a new boyfriend so she won’t be alone, and it’s a time to be with those we love and cherish most. Of course some-one will be missing but you and your Mum could plan something special for Boxing Day. That could work for everyone. It’s not ideal, but that’s the reality of a marital breakup and I’m sure everyone is adult enough to understand that. And please don’t say this post is pathetic. You are in no way pathetic and I’ve seen people much older than you handle the split of their parents really badly.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2015): Go to your dad's on christmas eve and the day!! Your mum was the cheat after all. You can see her boxing day
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 October 2015):
 I'd split Christmas between your mom and your dad. For me Christmas is family and your BF isn't family (yet), so while his invitation is kind and nice - he isn't really the one to invite you... his parents are and they haven't, so I'd stick with splitting Christmas between your parents. Maybe ask them what works for them?
And your post doesn't sound pathetic at all.
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