A
female
age
30-35,
*upid78
writes:Hi,I was in a relationship with my ex for 3 years but things came crumbling down because he wanted to settle down and I loved him but I was not "in love" with him to marry him and I did not see myself spending the rest of my life with him.I wanted to find love too and after a while I met a man and from day 1 our chemistry was intense the more we got to know each other the more we fell for each other and I can now tell the world that I have finally found love and wish to marry this man!so the man I'm with now Let's call him mark. He asked about my ex lets call him Verdi .Now although I was not in love with Verdi he was a very nice guy and treated me well.which makes mark think I still have a soft spot and I make mark feel Inferior to Verdi as I'm always supporting Verdi but it's not true I love mark. Yes I think Verdi is a nice guy. Mark is amazing and I want to spend my life with him..how do I assure him that he has nothing to feel jealous or insecure about this whole Verdi issue? It is creating a lot of tension between us also Because Verdi still calls me and wants to get back with me and I have blocked him and asked him to never contact me as I am with someone.what do I do?
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (14 October 2015):
The only person creating tension is you. An ex is just that...an ex. As in extinct, extinguish, expire...in other words...you never go back to eat your own vomit. If it did not workout...move on and find someone better.
Never understand why people love going backwards to something they had, rather than moving forward to something new and hopefully better.
NEVER GO BACK...The past is the past...done and gone...why hold on to it???
You said it yourself...."Mark is amazing and I want to spend my life with him"
So how are you going to spend the rest of your life (which is in the future) with a man if you are looking back to the past??
Be thankful for the experience, and the lessons learned...take the good to your next relationship, take the bad and throw it in the far away, never to be seen again garbage.
Soft spots...are weak spots that can be used against you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2015): Hi!
The best way to handle this is going NC (No Contact) with your Verdi guy. Don't answer his calls or entertain his requests of patching up. Some men need a lot of time to accept the real scenario and move on (And 3 years is quite some long time). NC will enable the three of you to lead a peaceful life. Verdi might be a nice guy, but Mark is the man you chose to be with. Keep that in mind. No amount of request did help an ex to leave (saying that from my personal experience).
Good luck!
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