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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: why do my parents constantly argue!!!!i dont think i can cope with this any more. they argue all the time over petty little things, like my dad didnt hover the car befre we went away so my mum started an arguement n then it led to a massiv rowand then my dad stayed at my grandmas, they are always havin a go at each other and i cnt cope with the upset of my siblins all the time. i am onli 15 so im not old enough to leave home yet but cant wait till i can. i always have to look after my brother (aged 10) and my sister (aged 3) and i take them everywhere, sometimes when we just need to get out of the house i will get them theyre coats and shoes on and go sit on a bus for a few hours, maybe go see my nana, take them to mcdonalds, go shopping or to the park. anywhere that is possible. as well as this i have my own part time job that i have to take my sister with me sometimes which is hard work although my boss understands he doesnt mind but its getting a bit too regular. im gunna hae to give it in soon. im fed up of been a mother figure instead of a sister and its all down to their arguements! i will of just got my sister to sleep and they will start shouting an she will wake up so she will have to sleep in my bed if i get her back to sleep at all. the neighbours always tell me how loud they are and i cant stand it anymore. my brother is only ten and he already tells me that hes coming to live with me and my boyfriend when i move out and my sister says she wants to move away from mummy and daddy, ive tried every possible way to get them to stop, everything fro booking hotels for them at 75 pound each per night! ive tried talkin to them, ive told my grandma n grandad to talk to them, we have stayed out for the night to try scare them into stopping. ive tried telling them to stop when they start and nothing is possible!! does anyone know what i can do i cant carry on living like this! pleasee has ayone got ne advice i cant take it anymore!! ^_^
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): hi im 11 years ld and my parents are the same it hurts some times to see your mum in tears or your dad storm out but i know my parents wont get divorced, even if they argue theyll stay together for me and my brother, if your worried about your parent talk to them , a friend or a family member and remember it cant be as bad as it seems no matter how much they argue
p.s : somtimes it may sound like there arguing but theyre just having a heated discucion (or thats what they'll tell you)
yours sincerly
mate to talk to
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Ask your grandparents if you and your siblings can move in with them! Maybe this will bring your parents to be the responsible adults they should be! Paying child support often times wakes up the dead heads!
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 Well if that's the route they take, it may be. It's better than causing emotional harm on children.
Try doing the posters, that will give them a constant reminder of what their behavior is doing.
If that doesn't work, I guess you could help them out, look on the internet, print up divorce papers with their names on it. It'd had them to them and say "you can't get along, so sign here so you can stop causing your kids to be hurt."
What you're doing by doing these things is giving them a very hard slap into reality, and looking at what their behavior is doing to you guys. They loved each other once, they may need to remember what that was like, and sometimes understanding what they are doing to you might get them to talking and figuring out what's going on, and how to change it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for all the advice. much aprieciated, yh we do stayhome sometimes i do try explain to my parents tht ma brother n sister get upset the amount of times i have had my brother in floods of tears cos he thinks mummy and daddy dont love hi n thts whyy theyre arguein i jus have to get them ot of the house, we have stayed with my nana before but they dont realise were gone. i honestly think it will end in devorce. maybe its for the best. thanx gain x =]
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 October 2007):
 I think you got great advice. I'm just throwing in a little extra.
I do think that you need to step up and let them know that their arguing is really hurting the family. I don't think you need them to STOP arguing, but you need to have them back off and bicker behind closed doors. Tell them that their affecting you, and your siblings.
If you think you'll have trouble telling them yourself, you should let someone you trust know - like your guidance counselor or pastor (if you attend church). Perhaps they can step in like a mediator and speak for you.
If you like your grandparents and think they would allow you to live with them for a little bit, I think you should really consider it.
Keep looking out for your little siblings. They are lucky to have such a wonderful sister. Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 October 2007):
You rent a motel for your parents. You are such a big girl. Bad situation but I am proud to hear how you have taken care of your brother and sister. All though you story touched me, you're still young and should not be burdened with this responsibility.
I hope this isn't one of the couples that find satisfied that they love each other by arguing. Living with them isn't fun, but watching them when their old is. You think they're going to pull their teeth out and throw them at the other person.
Who is the instigator, or are they equally responsible for starting the argument. In all arguments you have an instigator and a receiver. One starts, the other one returns, then back and forth, but what's really going on? When one starts and the other one returns, all they're doing is fueling the one who starts.
Let's look at this from a different angle. The angle of your parents. Do they realize what they are doing to you and your siblings? When you have to leave and take the bus, or go somewhere else, you're older and can understand a bit more, but your siblings begin feeling as if their home is not a safe place to be. Home is suppose to be a place where everyone feels safe, comfortable, and secure. What else can happen? Lower self esteem, confidence issues, anxiety, depression, and confusion. This one behavior can set children up for lifelong problems.
Here's what I would do. Talk to your grandparents and ask them if everything fails if there's a possibility you and the others can stay with them for a while. Now try something that can give your parents a view that you're all being hurt.
Get big pieces of paper, construction paper, different colors and markers. Involve the other kids, because they like to draw. In the living room, or family room (I don't know what you call them where you live) make a few signs to tape up:
"This is the family room, we enjoy loving time as a family, NO ARGUING ALLOWED IN THIS ROOM!!!!"
With the kitchen:
"This is where we share meals together and needs to remain safe to do so, NO ARGUING IN THIS ROOM."
Do this with every room in your home. Make the print large and visible. Then under that, print these but switch them from sign to sign these are some tips and effect on children, you want to have tips and effects on each sign:
Tips for keeping an argument from getting out of hand:
Here are some tips for keeping an argument from escalating:
Lower your voice. The potential for violence rises with the decibel level.
Listen to the other person without interrupting. It's tempting to want to make your points as soon as you think you understand, but it can up the conflict level.
Summarize what the other person says before you say anything. Use statements like "I hear you saying that ? Is that what you mean?" Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements to avoid blaming. There's a big difference between "I feel angry" and "You make me angry."
Stay seated. It equalizes size differences.
Create physical space. Usually that means two arms' lengths away.
Take a minute to breathe slowly and deeply. It can bring down blood pressure and reverse other physical changes that take place automatically when you are under stress.
Take a break. Physically remove yourself from the situation if you need to. But be aware that children might become afraid if you leave the house without communicating to everyone that you're just taking a break and that you're coming back by a certain time.
Remember that anger comes from vulnerability and fear. Try to see your adversary as a scared person, not just an angry one. Don't be afraid to find an objective third party if the same disputes come up again and again.
CHILDREN CAN DEVELOP:
- Low sense of security - depression - anxiety - conduct disorders - educational problems - low self esteem - social development problems - various personality disorders.
You may also list every as well: The behavior of the parents develop the behavior of their children.
I hope this helps, it's kind of a strange way to do things, but I did this and my dad quit smoking.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (8 October 2007):
It is not your job to figure this out or try and fix it. All you can do is streer clear and avoid being hit. Try to love them both and sympathize with both but never take sides. Suggest they get professional help.
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A
female
reader, AmyJeffx  +, writes (8 October 2007):
well this happened to me and am only 15
it went on for ages but you just have to take it as et comes, or talking to them tell them that all this is infecting you and brother and sister as well
with meh mine went wrong i had to wee sisters and 1 brother
a watched after all them until one day my dad had enough
and went so my mum is a single parent now.
and cuz of that she started getting a drink problem but a month later she stopped and got on with her life she said "she isnt lettin any guy ruin her life you just need to get up and runing again."
but a hope yours turns out better.
....hope i helped
amy xx
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