A
female
age
36-40,
*onelystreet
writes:I've always been a very jealous person. But in this relationship I'm in now, I've never been so insanely jealous.My man and I have been together 3 years, he is 31 and I am 22. I used to cheat on my ex with him, and now that we're together, I can't help but pick out all the cheating signs that *I* used to display with my last partner. He works with a girl that before me he used to like a lot, but nothing ever happened and he then ended up with me, but in the past couple of months I have been noticing things; like he stalks her facebook, messages with her on facebook, and just recently he text messages her, he goes for coffees and lunch and after work drinks with her, and he bags me out to her whenever we have a fight about her and he lies to me about his correspondences with her. I wouldn't ask him to stop being friends with her, and he is very strict in that he will NOT stop being friends with her and will NOT be controlled by me. He thinks I am being ridiculous and it's really changed his feelings for me, he doesn't talk to me much anymore, always standoffish, he judges everything I do, thinks that I'm always spying on him and thinks I have no hobbies, just him. And he's broken up with me a few times (but gave into my begging to let me change for him), and he often says that he thinks we are not right for each other and our age gap is too big.There's so much more to it, but I don't want you to have to read a big huge story. So to wrap it up...I am absolutely obsessing over this, I think about it 24/7, I even dream about it, I read everything he does as he is being dishonest with me or he doesn't love and want me. I don't truly think he's cheating, but I think he has feelings for her and she likes the attention. My jealousy is killing the relationship.Am I being unreasonable? Does it have anything to do with this other girl, or is it just my jealousy making him not love me anymore?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 You said he lies to you about his communication, so why are you with him? He's hanging with her, has he invited you to join them? You may be jealous or have reason to question what's going on in your relationship, so I think it'd be best to ask him where you two stand. You don't need to be hanging on to him, if he's off doing whatever and not seeing your relationship the same as you do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): This is going to sound harsh, but it sounds like he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Next time you guys break up, WAIT (no begging, crying, threatening or pleading) and see if he comes back to you. Then you will have your answer.
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (12 September 2010):
I will start with your boyfriend. I think you have reason to be jealous because as you said, he used to like this girl. Your boyfriend should try to maintain distance from her (like at most be casual friends) in an effort to minimize the chances that his feelings for her would return or intensify. Also, is he alone with her when he meets with her for coffee, drinks? I personally would feel very uncomfortable about that. Now regarding you - why are you with him if he has feelings for another girl?! You should find someone who will only have (romantic) feelings for you! He says that you are spying on him (are you? how do you know that he stalks her on facebook and messages her?), and that you have no hobbies (is that true?). How do you know that he is lying about his correspondences with her? I think both of you need to work on the relationship. You and the bf need to communicate better. He should limit interactions with the other girl if he has feelings for her, and you have to work on your jealousy issues. I can understand WHY you would feel jealous, but on the other hand, you shouldn't be "picking" at signs that your boyfriend is cheating. The way your relationship is sounding right now, I don't think it will work out. Both of you will have to work out some sort of compromise.
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