A
female
age
30-35,
*hnookims
writes:Hi all. This is very long. i am 21 and expecting my second child in 5 weeks time. My daughter is 2 and I live with my fiance, and childrens' father. I live 5 minutes from my parents in flat attached to my fiance's uncles house, it's the only rent we can afford so we can't move at the moment. The problem is my parents, mostly my mom Ever since I moved out I've found they control my life more than when i lived at home. At first we went there for 3 meals a week, with a newborn this was a bit much. My fiance felt our child was getting beginning to have a better connection with her grandparents than with him, as he has a full day job and that time that he would have bonding with his daughter, my parents felt was their time with her. Now they come to us once a week and we go there on Sunday but I still feel it's too much considering it's now only Saturday's my fiance has with us and we can't reject every other invite we get from people, meaning we often don't spend any time as just us and the kids. My mom is also extremely controlling and manipulative. She runied our first childs big scan because she wasn't allowed into the room with us. We were so happy that we were having a healthy child and she completely freaked out and made us feel extremely uncomfortable. She was allowed into the delivery room as soon as our daughter was born and even kissed her before my fiance or i had. Since day one she gets highly offended if we change a nappy when she's around and my fiance won't let her change one when we're with other people becasue he wants people to see us as the parents. I agree with him completely, especially because we're very young and most people don't respect us or the way we've decided to bring up our children. My parents spend more on our daughter than we can afford to which makes us feel inadequate and my mom even gets angry at me when I buy my children's toiletries. I don't know whether she does this because actually wants to or if she just wants to be a massive part in my children's lives, which I understand to a certain degree but she's a little obsessive. In my daughters first year of life my mother took over 2000 pictures of her and has asked for every single picture we've taken of her as well. She's even told me that she WILL be buying all the stuff for my hospital bag for when I give birth. She seems very upset that I never asked her to be my maitron of honour in our wedding but she never used her mom in her wedding party, even though they are close. She also keeps making comments that hint towards her being in the wedding party but I want a traditional wedding and my dad to walk me down the aisle. These are just some examples of the pressure I feel from her. The problem is I don't want to hurt her and she cries extremely easily. My dad travels a lot and my brother, who's 18 lives his own life sometimes seeing my paretns less than I do. I'm too soft to say anything and although my fiance is too good to say anything, I can see this is all affecting him very badly and therfore putting unnecessary pressure on our relationship. As you imagine, having another newborn coming so soon, it's getting worse.
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female
reader, shnookims +, writes (17 June 2010):
shnookims is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just to change the wording incase someone gets the wrong impression, I live with my fiance who is also both kid's dad.
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