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anonymous
writes:My son (12) says that he hates his autistic brother (11), he says when he is calm so its not like he's saying it in the middle of the an argument. He says that he controls his life due to the need to keep a strict routine and calls him a retard regulary.My daughter (14) also says that she hates him and says he is an embarassment to her particulary when he stims in public and she just cusses at him all the time.They both mean it when they say it and it is a real problem as they will not spend time with or do anything with him. This is a problem as he is still developing social skills so when he tries to interact with them he is just told to go away and this is not helping him develop as well as the horrible atmosphere it creates. I have tried to get them to go to sibling support events but they won't and I can't see the point in making them go as they won't get anything out of it if they don't want to be there.They are close to each other and I do spend the majority of time with him but I do my best to spend time with them but it can be very difficult due to his autism. How do I get them to get on better. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): I myslef, have an autistic brother. when i was younger i did feel rejected and i craved more attention from my parents. i despised my brother, when he would have tantrums in public and i would be embarrised to have friends round. but by the time i had reached the age of 11 i grew up and realised something important. He was my BROTHER, my family, and he had autism. i realised that he needed me, for guiadance, and to help him understand his surroundings. i grew up and began to understand autism more. i think its helpfull to hear this from someone with an autistic sibling, becasue they are seeing this from someone else's perspective but i still understand the difficulty of having an autistic brother. your children need to understand that treating their autistic brother the way they are is -in my oppinion- cruel. and this is not how you treat a a sibling autistic or not. Good luck :)
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 April 2010):
This is of course very difficult to deal with. The main problem is that they will feel rejected, as naturally your autistic son will need more of your time than they will. I think the post below has a few good ideas in the family therapy. Before anything else, you need to understand why it is they feel the way they do, and really listen to them because a lot of things will come out that might hurt. They may not understand why it is that you have to spend more time with him.
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reader, IrishGal  +, writes (11 April 2010):
Maybe you should try family therapy. There they could discuss some of the reasons they feel this way. And if you spend most of your time with him they might feel jelous and resent him because he gets most of your attention. As for his socail development , that wont be affected by this as long as he is involved with other people his age and possibily with similar problems. Good Luck :)
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