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anonymous
writes: I embarked on an internet dating agency even though I am happily married. The problem is I have fallen head over heels with a lady I met. We have made love on numerous occations, then problem is I still love my wife but I also am deeply in love with my new lady friend, neither of whom I wish to hurt. How do I get off this merry go round and get my life back to the way it was withough anyone getting hurt? My lady friend thinks I am divorced.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): Well, what can I say, apart from you lucky bloke, I have never met you, I am married and bored, hey Im so bored I need help to keep living in this so stale relationship.
I lost two very close mates last year, both died in there mid forties. one of my mates lost his wife two years ago, I really feel for the two teenager children.
Life is short, and nothing is certain apart from death and taxes. Time is a great healer and if you can carry on with the two relasionships, my advice is to go with it as you are only on this god forsaken planet once.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): jus forget and let go of your internet friend. silence and time would be best of solutions. you dont have to make your wife insecure n hurt by what you didnt intend to do. your family is yours and their happiness is your happiness. forgetting your friend and forgetting that whole episode is best. so you get back to being normal.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): First, don't assume either your wife or your internet lady have , are or will confess or tell the truth. As other folk who been quick to point out you are a liar, maybe they should look in their own lives first. The truth is we all lie because we fear the consequences percieved or real of telling the truth.
Betrayal has its own special set of painful consequences which which we only find out about when we are betrayed. My personal guess is you will loose both your wife and kids as well as you internet partner. Gult and shame will become good friends of yours as you ponder the relational wreckage that will suround you.
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (11 June 2005):
 First things first: you cannot get back to the way things were. Everything has changed and you're dealing with a new set of circumstances. So even in the miracle scenario--you tell both women, your wife forgives you and takes you back, Internet Gal says, "Oh, a wife! Well, of course I understand you must leave me now and return to her! Good luck to you both!"--things are never going to be the way they were. Your wife may be a saint and forgive you, but she's not going to forget a betrayal like that anytime soon. Your relationship will likely require a much deeper level of communication and lots of time and patience to get back on track.I have a question for you, though (you don't have to email me back--it's a rhetorical question): if your marriage pre-Internet Gal was really happy, why were you looking for romance online? Were you happy...but bored? Happy...but irritated? Happy but...feeling so incredibly insecure that you needed to find an anonymous cyberperson to stroke your ego? I don't know the answer; I'm just saying it would behoove you to ponder the question for awhile.And here's when: between the time when you tell the truth to Internet Gal and break it off with her and when you go to your wife and tell her the truth and beg her forgiveness. Because if you really really really ponder the question honestly, you may come up with some answer that tells you it's not in your wife's best interest to have you vomit the ugly truth all over her. If there is no danger of your wife ever finding out about your dalliance--from receipts, third parties or an angry Internet Gal herself--your real penance may be to carry this secret to your grave.But brother, please figure out why you skated out on a "happy" marriage to get some emotional nookie from someone else. Because if you don't, I despair of that marriage ever really being a happy one...
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (11 June 2005):
 Lying does nothing but get you into trouble! You need to come clean I'm afraid! You say you were happily married ? Then why on earth did you go onto internet dating ? You need to realise that you can't have your cake and eat it. You need to be honest with yourself. You may have feelings for the new lady, but what about your wife the woman you took vows to stay with ? you need to think clearly about what you really want. And then you may have to come clean to both parties. Maybe you should concentrate on your marriage, let it fizzle out with the new woman, or the other way around, but you cant continue to have both. You have decide who is right for you. For dont leave them both dangling as it isnt fair on any of you. And hard as it seems somebody is going to get hurt at the outcome of this, they always do when 3 or more are involved. Sorry but you got fingers burnt, you will have to face up the consequences.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2005): Liars must have an impeccable memory..so right there you're screwed. More importantly though, you have completely destroyed your wife's one life on earth, whether she finds out or not. Don't let her continue to live the lie you forced upon her for your own selfish needs. If you don't tell her, she will be forever believing in a reality that is untrue, and that is disgraceful, manipulative, and immoral. She is your wife and deserves to know the truth, as hard as it may be. She will find out eventually, and the pain will be doubled if she also has to accept that in addition to the betrayal, you also refused to confess. Infidelity is a symptom of a bad relationship either with oneself, or with one's spouse. Either way, you need to address the core of why you would choose to stray. I would venture to say that it's not love you feel for your "lady friend" who you met on line and had lots of sex with. It's probably the bliss that escaping a frustrating reality can ignite. You have committed the ultimate sin against your beloved wife, and by continuing to force her to live an untruth, you are perpetuating the betrayal. How could you look your wife in the eye and sleep beside her and dine with her, and do all the mundane tasks of married life together knowing that you're "in love" with another woman? You are scum my friend, and you have asked the public how to get out of this without anyone getting hurt. It's you that doesn't want to get hurt, and that is pathetically selfish. Take responsibility for what you have done and be a man, not a coward with a hard on, as you have proven yourself to be. You made a huge error in judgment, and should not make your wife suffer any longer. People say that what you don't know can't hurt, but that is a fallacy. You're forcing her to live a lie, and stealing her opportunity to live in truth. And you're putting her at risk for so many things. Stop conning yourself into believing that you don't want to hurt anyone....it's too late. I sincerely hope you rot in your own misery and confusion.
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