A
female
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anonymous
writes:Theres this guy who I have been chatting to on msn, from an online dating website. We havent actually met yet cause he lives in a different city, but closer to the end of the year, I already had plans to move to his city for university, so we will meet then.Anyway, he says he really likes me and I like him to, but there is one bad thing.I feel like he keeps harrasing me to send photos of myself in just underwear. I told him im way to shy to do that and I would feel uncomfortable about it. Also you never know what could happen to the photos.He doesnt realy seem to respect mt answer of no, as he continually asks and tries to manipulate/pressure/convince me into taking the pictures and sending. When I told him it felt like he was doing that he said 'no im not, im just asking my favourite girl in the whole world a question if she could seem me some photos'. So hes a bit of a sweettalker. Whenever the topic of the photos comes up, he makes sure he gives me lots of compliments. I think he even tried making me feel guilty because he said 'you wont even do it for the guy you claim to like alot?'. I explained to him it has nothing to do with likeing some alot, or even love, im just not comfortable having photos of myself almost naked out there on the internet, on someones computer, because anyone could hack into your computer and get them.But he said 'no not to my computer, its a mac'. So how do I deal with this situation?And do you think this situation may be symbolic of what is likely to come if we get into a relationship? Do you think he might have troubles respecting my boundaries? I can only imagine that if it ever came to the issue of sex and mewanting to wait until we knew each other very well, that he would try pressuring me into that too. What do you think? thanks for any advice.
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female
reader, Angela.B  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 A bad sign? You should be seeing red flashing lights and a huge warning sign saying "Get out now!"
A stranger that you have never met is trying to push you into sending him naughty photos and won't take no for an answer. How many other girls is he talking to, and just how big is his private collection of masturbation material?
Presuming of course it is private... he could be posting them anywhere online.
And even presuming he isn't chatting to 53 other girls saying the same things for the same reasons and you met him, how will you feel when he starts doing the same then?
Will he keep pushing you until you have sex with him? Perhaps give him a blow job? And after that what... who knows what else he might fancy!
Get out now while you can... at least as it's online all it takes is selecting the "block" button.
A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 First, tell him not to be so cocky about his computer. Tell him you know a guy (that would be me) who was at the Last HOPE conference, has been working in the Mac world since 1985, and can blast through most OS X firewalls like they were tissue paper. For cred, I can tell him a funny story about what happened when I upgraded my 512K "Fat Mac" to a Mac Plus.
Second, NEVER let pictures be taken of you that you do not want to see up on the internet with your name on them. That goes for ANYBODY, by the way. Just don't. I had a girlfriend for a couple of years a while back, and I told her that the only thing I wanted more than nude pictures of her was the knowledge that such pictures did not exist. I hope she's sticking to that with her new boyfriend now that we've parted ways.
And yes, I think this guy is trying his best to manipulate you into doing what he wants. He's a whiner, and he's going to keep on doing that to get what he wants from you. It's going to be up to you to draw a line. You're going to have to define your limits and stick to them. And I VERY strongly urge you to stop short of letting him get his hands on any compromising pictures of you. He strikes me as the kind of guy who is quite capable of seeing that those pictures got rather wide circulation once the two of you had split up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): He sounds like a jerk, if you want a decent guy he wouldn't ask you to do this he would respect your boundries and he clearly doesn't, don't base your opinion of men on him there are other guys out there and if your moving to uni, you'll meet lots of new guys i'm sure you could find a good one in there somewhere, there are some out there. Don't be pressured stick to what you believe and don't let anyone try to manipulate you cause there only bad news if they do.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 July 2008):
Is this symbolic of what is to come? HELL YES!
You've said no and he keeps pressuring. You told him to stop pressuring and he keeps doing it.
This shows that he has no respect for you or your feelings and just wants something sexual from you. As you say, he's already trying to guilt you and manipulate you.
Imagine what he'll be like in real life? I would guess he'll be 10 times worse. Tell him if he asks you once more then you are cutting contact. I bet he lasts a day and then hints at it. Block him, cut contact with him. And when you go to Uni, DON'T meet up with him.
The guy sounds like a total psycho and I bet he's charming a lovely a lot of the time, but that's only so it will be your fault when you say no and he forces you into something.
Good Luck!! xx
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