A
male
age
30-35,
*he badluck clover
writes:im sorry if this is too long. a couple of years ago, the one girl i knew at the time i would spend the rest of my life with was murdered in a car accident. we dated since i was 15. i was on probation for a fight at the time. i got into a fight with my school councilor because he said i was worthless (excuse the language thru this) piece of shit who will never accomplish anything. one night we where texting and i convinced her to come over. it was one month before i was gonna be released from probation and house arrest. i was 17 at the time. so i couldve taken her out proparly and actually take her on dates. but that night she was hit by a drunk driver. she was murdered. her mother blames me for the entire situation, even if i was allowed too, i wouldnt have been able to go to the funeral. i cant help but feel like it is my fault. all my friends tell me its not. after two years i started dating again. due to my last relationship i developed a fucked up sence of security. (again sorry bout the language but this is how i talk) i suffocate my partner out of fear of loosing them. i dated one girl who was great she was into the same stuff i was and we got along great. she moved to cali. before she left she said i was worthless piece of shit who cant think about anyone else besides me. another year went by and i found another girl. in the most unlikely of places. world of warcraft (computer game). if ya dont know its verry advanced game where you group up with people and talk to each other pretty much every day. even tho we met over a game i actually felt happy for the first time since my ex died. i thought i loved her. she told me i had her heart in mmy hands. just before i flew up to see her i tore my mcl and acl in an accident at work. so when i went to see her i was on crutches and on meds. i was on liquid morphine, vicodin, and something else for inflamation. for the first three days i wasnt taking any meds. we had a blast i took her to disneyland and to an ozzy concert. we where insepperable. she told me then that she loved me. then after the first three days we went to san diego. where i rented a hotel for us. i started on my meds cuzz the pain started in. i took her to the beach and hung out with her and i started to suffocate her. i was clingy and just not right. i was double checking windows each night, i was making sure doors where locked. just way too over secure. she soon dumped me after i went back home. that was about 4 months ago. over the course of years i have had a group of friends who consider me family. there all female and they all have boyfriends. they all continuasly tell me im such a great guy i could have any girl i wanted and how i would make the perfect boyfriend. the anniversary of my ex's death occurd jan 5th and i spent the week of it drunk and i was told i drove to her grave and passed out there. i dont know what to do. i cant go to a grief councilor last time i did he tried to bring in my ex's mom for a confrontation. i couldnt do it. why is my luck so shitty? how do i fix my oversence of security? or should i just be alone? i lost the "one and only" for me and now i feel like there's noone else. i talked to an old friend and he told me how my most recent ex hooked up with her ex boyfriend a guy she would tell me story's about how much she couldnt stand him. i feel like ive been hit by a truck now im stuck on a freeway constantly getting ran over... someone please help. i need advice.
View related questions:
anniversary, at work, drunk, her ex, my ex, text, world of warcraft Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): Hello did you posted here before? The mother of the girl, calls you on the aniversary to blame you for things? You need to take the grief counselling again Sweety. And if the counsellor asks to bring in the girls mother you can say no. Dont quit on the counselling because you need it x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. It really does seem like you've just suffered alot. But I believe the real issue with your over sense of security is that you're still not over that first girlfriend that you still feel alot of guilt for her death. I believe that before you can even begin to be in a healthy relationship again, you need to come to terms with her death and realize that it was in no way your fault, so you can finally have closure and begin to move on from it. I would also advise you to start seeing a grief councellor again, despite your last efforts, because you really shouldn't have to go though something like this alone.
All the best, I really hope I helped and that you can find your way though this.
...............................
A
male
reader, redsox29 +, writes (27 January 2010):
Hey man, first let me say I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure it has to be hard for you but you can't blame yourself. I don't want to go all religious on you, but I believe that God has a plan for everything. Sometimes he takes people home sooner than we want to let go and it's hard for us that are left behind. I lost someone very special to me last year and I miss her everyday.
You sound like me, a guy who leads with his heart, it's not easy for us. We care too much sometimes. I promise you that you can turn all this around. It may take some time but that's ok, it will be worth it in the long run.
Finding help from other people, grief counselors, is just relying on other people when you can fix it yourself. When I am really feeling down, I watch Joel Osteen. He's a preacher but whenever I'm really feeling down, he always seems to have a message that just fits my situation and it's only a half hour.
Take some time to learn to love yourself. Find things that interest you, working out, reading more but drinking is only gonna make you feel worse. Trust me. You just need to take some time to heal yourself before you can be 100% for someone else.
I wish you the best of luck.
...............................
|
