A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi.So, my older brother hits me. He doesn't do it very often but when he does, he hits me bad. He abuses me verbally constantly calling me names and insulting me in every possible way. He's always been like this to me since we were kids, he's never stopped doing it because in some ways my mom makes him believe it's ok what he does and she's also always made me think I deserve all that abuse because I make him angry and provoke him. My dad has tried to make him stop but he never makes it. My parents are not violent persons, my dad has never mistreated/abused my mom and she's not violent either but her brothers and father have been always violent and abusive to women, even one of her brothers went to jail for hitting his woman. I really feel like I can do much about this, sometimes I try to hit back but then he responds hitting me harder and I end up really bad. Today we argued about some unimportant stuff but he got really mad (he gets extremely angry easily)and started insulting me and calling me horrible names, then he got really nasty and after that I couldn't see anything for around 5-10 seconds and then got very swollen. My mom was there, watching it all from the dinning table, then she just walked to where we were and said she was very mad because we ruined her dinner and locked herself in her room.I didn't expect anything better from her. She's always prefered my brother over myself, thinks everyone wants to do him bad and likes him more because he's a man.What makes me sick is that she allows him to abuse me like it's normal what he does. I ran to my room and heard they were talking about it, he was still very angry talking crap about me and how much he hates me.I felt really bad and then it started feeling like burning on the spot where he hit me. I looked myself in the mirror and it's gotten swollen and hurts much, I'm just hoping to not get any bruise on the face, having everyone tomorrow asking me about it. My dad would have never let all of this happened, but he was at work at the time this happened and telling him when he comes won't help much, because my mom and my brother will probably say I'm exaggerating and he barely touched me. My mom acts like she's mad at me and I deserve what I got. She just said I was begging for it and that it was my fault. I don't know, but I don't think anyone, specially not any woman deserves to get beaten by a guy over any reason. This isn't the first time he has hit me. Last time we argued he spat on me, but he usually slaps me or kicks me. I've never been injured seriously by him but I'm afraid I will be someday at this point. I don't know what to do. I really hate to live like this, fearing him and his neurotic behavior. I know he needs help, but I think nothing will change if my mom keeps telling him it's all good and he can take out all his anger on me whenever he perceives or she perceives that I provoke him.I'm starting to believe it's actually my fault.Tonight I feel very lonely and also very sad about what happened today, I feel angry, like I can do nothing. I know it's absolutely not ok what he does but I feel there's not much I can do. I wish my brother stopped acting like this once for all, if it wasn't my brother I would call the cops on him. I don't feel very attached to my brother nor feel a great love for him.I just see him like another relative and it's sadly always been like this, we've always had a dysfunctional relationship that might never change.I don't care about improving it, I just don't want him to be violent to me ever again.Any kind of help (advices, your own experiences shared, or any comments you give) will be appreciated. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 October 2012):
 I'm so sorry to hear this.
Mothers are supposed to protect us. You mother is not doing her job.
You are legally an adult and I would move out as soon as possible.
I know you don't want to hear this but I agree with everyone else... and I really do hope you have some bruises that you can walk yourself into the police station and press charges. YOUR idiot brother is assaulting you.
Do you wish to wait for him to put you in the hospital or worse KILL YOU?
you must report this.
and I agree that you need to take your things with you and go to the police and DO NOT GO BACK.... stay with a friend... or at a women's shelter... you can get help.
just because you are blood related to these evil people does not make them family.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 October 2012):
 Take pictures of yourself after he has hit you. Document it all. Record his verbal abuse of you if you can, for example record it on your phone.
And then take it to the police. You aren't the one who is putting him in jail, you aren't the one who is causing a rift in yoru family. He is. He does these things, he is single handedly responsible for HIS own actions. He can not blame them on anyone else, and as such he needs to be held responsible. Or else this will continue, until he one day loses it and you end up with a serious injury.
Your mother and father are passively helping your brother with the abuse. Their decision to NOT do not anything about it is also a form of abuse. Maybe your mother was put through the same abuse when she was young, as you said her brothers are violent as well. Then she adopted this type of attitude towards it. And you will adopt the same attitude.
Think about this: if you do not end this here and now, and put a stop to it, then you will end up like your mother. You will allow a husband of yours, or a child of yours, to abuse, both physically and verbally. You will end up sitting quiet like your mother, or just ignoring it, allowing it to happen. And then the time will come where YOU will be held responsible for not having put an end to it.
Call the cops on him. For his own sake, for your sake, and for the sake of your family. Show your mother and father that this is NOT okay, and maybe be a role model for them to follow. Sometimes it is the children that must teach the adults.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 October 2012):
 You need to read over Abella and YouWish's post over and over til you understand that THIS is what you need to do.
His behavior is not normal. You mom should protect you both but she might actually be scared of your brother too.
Be proactive. Do something. This WILL escalate.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 October 2012):
 He needs help, and he'll find all the help he needs in jail. They have excellent psychologists there.
If it happens again, go to the police. Press charges. Immediately.
I know it's easier said than done and doing it requires an enormous amount of guts , because of the rift it could cause in your family, and because he is still your brother... but he isn't really treating you the way a brother is supposed to do, is he ?
What you refer is abominable, potentially very dangerous for you, and MUST be stopped. If your parents are so weak and ineffective that can't put a stop to it, then your only recourse is to law enforcement.
Of course another good solution would be moving out immediately, but if you don't have the financial means to do it right now, - call the police in the meantime. YOU need help - more than your brother does.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 October 2012):
 You have to get out of there. You're an adult (18-21) and it makes no different whether or not it's a brother or a boyfriend. You're being battered, and it's not safe for you there.
If he touches you, you call the police. Don't listen to your parents. You're an adult. He is assaulting you, and it's a felony.
Get the police to your house, even if the fight seems to be over. Get pictures and documentation. Your brother needs mental help, and you need protection! If he's verbally abusive, is there a way to record it?? It's one thing for your mom to hear it and do nothing, but having it on tape to show to others, including law enforcement, underscores the danger he's causing you. Your mom can't deny to the cops. Your brother can't deny to the cops if the proof is glaring.
There are a lot of battered women's shelters available, and being beaten by your brother is no different than being beaten by a boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): Your brother has anger issues and your mom is in complete denial. She's probably even delusional. First and foremost, you need to call the cops and make a statement, and he will more than likely be arrested. You could try talking to your mother before hand to explain the situation and that you WILL NOT accept any further abuse, and that she needs to take a part in your parenting and put a stop to this, both physically and emotionally. She should have put your brother in therapy and anger management years ago, if not jail. I think that if he gets arrested it might be a huge wake-up call, but people like this NEED to talk to someone regardless. You need to start documenting everything that happens, as well as taking pictures. Please don't let this continue, it sounds like he is out of control.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (24 October 2012):
 Everything Abella said. Do exactly that. I have nothing more to offer other than my sincerest sympathy. Just keep in mind that what he is doing is NOT okay. It is NOT. Your family is deluded and you cannot let yourself become that way.
Get help NOW. Not next week, not next month. Now.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 October 2012):
 Please STOP PROTECTING your abusive brother.
Please STOP finding excuses for your ABUSIVE BROTHER.
You are NOT TO BLAME IN ANY WAY for this abuse.
You have done NOTHING WRONG AT ALL to cause this abuse to occur.
You are NOT RESPONSIBLE IN ANY WAY for what your brother is doing to you.
You truly do need to see the Police without warning your brother and without warning your mother.
When you walk out to go to the Police state take any Identity Documents you own and take any other small significant things in your bag that you would never like to lose.
Without warning your feral sick brother and without warning your apathic mother please get yourself down to the Police station while you still have the evidence of the bruises.
IF they ask where you are going you can say you are going to the Library or the shops or anything else you want to say. Do NOT allow any of them to take you there. Go by yourself.
Front up to the counter at the Police station.
Speak calmly and quietly and say, "I want to make a statement about an Assault I have suffered. I know the perpertrator of this assault".
Be factual with the Police. Just the FACTS
The date the event occurred
Where it occurred
What happened just before it started
What je said
what he did
who else was present
what the others present said or did or did not do
where he hit you
How he hit you
If you complained about the attack to him at the time
What he did as a result
What he said
What any other party said afyer the assault concluded
Any other threats he made to you at the time
Tell the Police clearly and firmly what you now want done now:
"I want him arrested for assault causing actual bodily harm"
and
"I want to instigate a restraining order against him preventing him from doing this further"
The Police may want to know if you have consulted a Doctor or the Police may ask the Police Doctor to look at you.
You brother must be stopped legally now before he goes too far and does something far worse. You are protecting you and potentially many other women by taking acting againt your brother.
Check out if there are any Women's Shelters in your area.
if you have to leave home make sure that you are accompanied by Police when you go to collect your things. Your brother is cruel and dangerous and your mother is weak and useless to you as a supporter.
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A
female
reader, CupidsDaughter +, writes (24 October 2012):
 Get the police involved. He needs help and you need to protect yourself even if your mom and brother disagree. Stay strong love!
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