A
female
age
26-29,
*rini_gurl95
writes:Hi,I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 31. At the beginning of our relationship things were great. He was a gentleman, gave me great advice, was always doing little things to show me he cared. Those things haven't changed but now he also does other little things that irritates me and sometimes hurts my feelings. When we first met he used to look at me like i was the most beautiful girl he ever saw.he used to adore my body. Im 5"3 and i weigh 130 pounds.my stomach isn't completly flat but its not fat or pudgy or flabby at all. Im an ex gymnast so my thighs are thick but toned and my butt is big which in my country is a good thing..and he loves that part about me but recently he would make jokes and poke fun at me saying things like "fat belly" "chubby" "fatty" while poking my stomach or pinching my arms and i laugh it off with him but it really bothers me. Hes making me feel really insecure about myself. I find myself trying to avoid being naked or eating in front of him these days cause i feel like he's judging me. To add to it all hes very controlling. He is a huge stickler for time and often would call me to tell me hes coming to pick me up as i spend most nights at his house now instead of my mom's and would give me 45 mins to get ready,get my stuff ready and be outside my house waiting for him because he hates to call and wait for mebto come outside. If he has to do that he'll give me hell about it half the ride to his house. So my question is with all thr good things i mentioned about him should i let everything else about him get to me so much that i question if he's good for me. I really love him and he's been alot of my firsts. Not kiss or virginity but pretty much everything else. First boyfriend i ever spent a night with,showered with and im pretty sure hes going to ask me to live with him because im always at his house and he wants me to leave my things there so now I've noticed i have more of my stuff at his house than my mom's. I dont even know if im ready for living with a guy. Furthermore a guy with a child.he has a 12 year old daughter. Someone plz help? I need some advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2014): Men and their egos.. The biggest part of a relationship, COMMUNICATION. I know it's hard admitting that you feel insecure to your boyfriend but in a relationship, you talk to one another and get comfortable with one another. You don't hide things. You have to tell him how you are feeling with what he is doing! Good luck, my friend!!
A
female
reader, Mistresskiki  +, writes (22 July 2014):
He sounds like a creepy combination of lover and father. You have the sexual side, which sounds great, but then you have someone who insists on you being there ready for him to collect you? And you are only 7 years older than his actual daughter.Combine that with playing on insecurities about your body shape/image I see so many red flags that even if you were pregnant, I would advise you to get the hell out of there.Tell him you don't like being teased about your shape, and move some (lots) of your things back to your mother's house and generally take control back in your life and the relationship. Do this, and see how he reacts to it.If he says "ok, sorry I didn't realise you didn't like this. " and actually stops being so controlling, then I would imagine it was a lack of communication. If, however, he gets angry or withdraws from you as a result, then he is a controller who doesn't like it when you don't relinquish your control to him. If this is the case, then you really should end things before you give up everything and become completely isolated and cowed.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 July 2014):
 My prediction is there is little hope that this 'relationship' would ever work out. To me it sounds like the very predictable older man-finds younger women-treats her badly-turs on her, then hurts her. A formula for disaster. Yeah I know at first everything seems all rosey but then that's because if you look at the world through rose colored glasses whatcha gonna see? Time for a reality check...He's doing what most older men will do with a very young innocent 19 year old woman...take advantage then leave. orry but I think you saw this coming that's why you asked the question. Right?
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A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (12 July 2014):
Given the age gap there is a general understand (especially in this country) that the older will have more leverage/control over partners who are much younger. Having said that, all of the problems you mentioned indicate a lack communication on your part. If he gives you crap about something for a half hour you are probably not making your point across very well or you are being very quiet.
At his age he is not bothered be some weight. At your age, most figured girls are bothered by inhaling too much air. Either way, you should make it known that you don't like being teased about your weight.
In relationships that aim for long term commitment, good communication is something you should focus on. There are other aspects of course but at the moment I feel there is a gap here.
It is perhaps not my place to say, but thinking about living in and marriage might be jumping the gun. I wouldn't expect that commitment any time soon.
All the best and I hope it works out.
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