A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a very kind and warm guy of 35 for nearly a year. He works from home and is also totally renovating his house all the way through. He has lived with women but never had a family. My children are grown up.When we first met I could only spend an hour there due to the dust. He also renovated his last house which took two years and sold it to buy this house with structural problems. We live 40 miles from each other.I like a man with a work ethic but he literally works most nights on his house until 11pm. Friends cannot believe his living conditions. His life revolves around his house. We meet at mine a couple of times a week. He's always tired. I'm just worried something else will replace this once finished the year after next. He loves this hobbie but there's no time for me or us. We have talked about our future and spending more time together but he soon slips back to old ways.Now I'm worried I'm in love with his potential rather than his workaholic ways..... He has friends but rarely sees them and I love going out and eating out. He just seems happy staying in when we meet. I feel a bit down about our future. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 July 2014):
 If you can't live in a home that's being renovated and that's how he makes his living, then you will never have much time with him... flipping a home is time and labor intensive. and it never stops.
Since you have a different idea of what life and fun are, I'm thinking that while your time together is fun, it's not enough to make it your primary long term relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): I think it's probably more than a hobby. He's likely doing what he's doing to make a living. And working from your home and renovation does require a lot of time and dedication. I know, because I've done both.If you can't handle his lifestyle and would prefer someone who's more social, perhaps you should rethink the relationship. Likely he will not change and will renovate yet another house after this one is finished. It seems that you two aren't compatible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): This guy just doesn't seem right for you - you've got different interests.
I personally would love someone who is almost obsessed with renovation, because I've done quite a bit of it myself and I find it absolutely fascinating. I've also lived in the kind of conditions that you seem to imply are intolerable - I say this only to point out that for some people it's honestly not that weird, we find it liberating.
If you're not interested in what he's doing - and you don't seem to be - then move on. You're trying to make him into something he's not.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 July 2014):
 I've met a few people over the years who buy dilapidated or run down houses, do them up and then sell them at a profit.
I don't think any of them saw it as a hobby, but more as an income stream. It also becomes a lifestyle, goals are set, and met and then once that house is sold, a new house is bought and new goals set. I don't think your guy is going to change any time soon, and I agree, you have fallen in love with the man he could be, (but isn't).
The fact you talk and he then slips back into his old ways tells me he isn't interested or serious about changing for you, he is quite comfortable going to your house a few times a week, I suppose you feed him and nurture him while he is there, and I also assume he gets a regular dose of sex.
What more could a man ask for?
Maybe its time for one last talk, and if he slips back into his old ways that's it! Done, over, finished, time to move on, accept you are not as high on his list of priorities as he is on yours.
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