A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem with infatuation/obsession that is making me miserable. Every time I meet a girl that I like it's like a thunder bolt hits me. From the first date I become completely infatuated and can't stop thinking about the person. I am afraid to be alone because I know I will be completely stricken with thoughts about her. When I am I turn to alcohol to numb my feelings. Although I am a very private person in public, when it comes to relationships I always give 110%. I act casually throughout the first few dates, which I have done with this girl, but I just can't "think" casually. I feel completely head over heels.One of the difficulties is that I live far away from most of my family and friends, so I don't have much of a support network where I live now. Can anyone suggest coping strategies? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer MSA's question, I do drink quite often, but rarely to excess. (2-3 drinks on a given occasion) I usually do it at the end of the day to relax.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone! It's nice to know you're not alone.
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A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (27 July 2015):
 I'm not quite sure what is the best solution to your problem because I see more serious issues than just being infatuated with a girl.First and foremost, it is unhealthy to depend on alcohol to 'numb' your feelings for her. Do you drink regularly? Do you use alcohol to 'numb' other issues or problems you face in life as well? Please don't.. alcohol is not the solution to anything.I guess, what I can suggest is... if you do constantly think about her like that, why not plan dates? Think about where you'd like to take her on the next date, do research on the place, prepare and pre-plan the evening. If you plan on taking her to a nice meal, research the restaurants and menu and talk to her to see if that is something she will like? If you are planning on taking her to the movies, talk to her and decide which movie you want to see, pre-purchase tickets, etc. Or research local places to take her during your dates.. Or make something nice for her.. a hand craft or something. Find her a card, write her a note, etc...
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A
female
reader, Martine +, writes (27 July 2015):
 Hi. Well first and foremost, try not to over do the alchohol for health reasons. You fall in love very easily. Not a bad thing. It shows you are human and have great passion, which means that some day soon, when you meet the right girl, she will have all the love in the world. In the meantime, I would be cautious about becoming over dependent, as when it get's to the obsessive stage, it's no longer enjoyable as you know. Find ways of counteracting this by forcing yourself to go out, pursue a hobby away from home, or if you are indoors, play some music (NOT love songs!!) Or put the t.v on, and watch it even if you don't feel like it, as this will give you some relief from the obsessive thinking. Even going out looking at the shops helps Any distraction is good. I learnt this from a freind, and it realy helps I am the same so know exactly what you mean and how you feel It's like a heavy heart feeling, and nothing else matters except your thoughts and feelings about that person Basically, it's not fun!! I think you should look for a serious long term relatiomship. That's what you need. Not a few flings where people are not returning your feelings. I hope you get some better advice on here, and wish you all the best. Nothing is more important than to be able to love and be loved. You have that in bundles. Don't worry.All will be okay. Xx
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