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female
,
anonymous
writes: PLease help... my boyfriend, after two years, has decided that he isnt sure Im the one for him any more. He doesnt think he feels the same as he used to... that he wanted to marry me, that i was the one for him, etc. I cant bear it. its my nightmare come true. He says he still loves me and doesnt want to break up yet... but long term, he doesnt see the point if we cant be together. He is worried that we can never make each other happy.WHAT do I do. He is my life and Im devastated. I think a lot of this has come from the fact that I have become quite needy and often nag him about texting when he is out, etc. How do I behave when I see him? I have to prove to him that we are right together long term as I cant bear to be without him. please dont tell me to move on as i dont want to think that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): If he says he doesn't think it is going to work then i would move on. Sorry but i wouldn't want to hang on in there. don't turn into a clinging woman. Have some dignity. Have a good chat, get things out in the open. Then tell him it is all over, you can't have your heart strings ripped to pieces any longer.
I bet after being apart for a month he will be wanting you back then it is up to you whether you want to give it another try. Personally i would move on, there are plenty of lovely guys out there.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): i've been in your bf's position, and i've sort of been in yours too (in a way, in a diff relationship). the anonymous advice is right. tell him if he's not sure about you, and is thinking he "might want to break up with you in the future" then you think he should take some time and figure that out. b/c really, when you sit down and think about it, you do. you don't really want to be with someone who doesn't want you -- you want to manipulate him into wanting you. and that won't work. suck it up and be brave enough to let him go. there is a very good chance that he will realize that you are not the one for him and it will be the most awful, gut-wrenching, searing pain of your life. when my boyfriend broke up with me, it was worse than any death of a loved one i'd ever experienced. it was terrible. but eventually i got through it. and even later, we somehow managed to work it out, and we got back together, and our relationship is not great. but even if we hadn't, i'd have been fine ... eventually. it will not be easy or fun or anything good, but it's really your only option when someone tells you something like that. the best case scenario is that it shocks him into realizing how much he needs you and surprises him by showing that you're not as completely needy as you've seemed lately. (and, incidentally, forces you to get a life, which was good for me, post-break up and really improved the relationship when we got back together, bc i was so much less needy) worst case is that he quickly moves on to someone else. it'll be terrible, but better sooner than later, when you'll only be more attached.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): Leave him and give him the space and the time to miss you. Can you do that? It takes a lot of self-control. No calls, no texts, nothing. No contact. Tell him you need a break. Let him wonder and worry what you are up to. You killed his desire by nagging, clinging, always calling maybe? Time to restore your dignity. You can NEVER convince a man that he needs you. Men know when they want a woman. They will run after her and do the impossible to get her. You deprived him the thrill of the chase. Your only chance is to back-off. Sadly I don't think you can. Your post sounds a little desperate and needy. That same attitude that must have put your boyfriend off. Why are you so desperate? What are you so worried about? What is worse that can happen? That you live life without him? Are you not a full person yourself? Please think well and try to work hard on what makes YOU a person and what makes you happy. Fulfilled. Complete. It seems to me that you are not achieving much for YOU. Best of luck and remember? Men love women who are OK without them. Be strong.
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A
female
reader, bonnismiles +, writes (29 November 2006):
 hi hen i think you should talk get to know each other a bit better do something use have not done before go on holiday but let him go out without texting you need trust as well i hope things go well xx
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