A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex of a year broke up with me abut 4 months ago, saying it was because i couldnt tell her i would be there for her. I begged for her back, like an jackass, and she wanted none of it. I waited for about a month and started talking to another woman, who i have been seeing now for 2 months. My ex hasnt stopped begging for me back. promising me everything she possibly can...i know she loves me, but i dont feel the lady i am currently in a relationship with deserves the heart break, she has also fallen in love with me.any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): i say stay with the girl you are with now . she doesnt deserve to be hurt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): Well, I don't think your new gal deserves to be hurt either, but I have a feeling she will be hurt eventually any way.
I am assuming you and your ex were together for quite awhile? At your ages a lot of couples will get engaged and marry, my bet is your ex got tired of waiting for you to tell her she was the ONE you wanted to spend your life with and she started doubting your intentions and thought you weren't in it for the long haul so she broke up with you.
Then you did the classic begging her to come back right after and calling her all the time, etc. Well right after a break up when feelings are still raw that is going to have opposite effect and push your ex away and strengthen her resolve to convince herself she made the right decision.
Then you wait another month to start a new relationship. This my friend is what's called a rebound relationship and you probably did not pick this girl because she is right for you but because having a new squeeze keeps you from hurting and having to think about your ex or any bad feelings you are going through. Usually, in time you will heal and be ready to move on from this rebound girl you will realize you didn't choose wisely, you will wake up and your desperate feelings that you mistook for love and attraction will be gone and replaced with some new found confidence and love for yourself and you will break up with the rebound girl and hurt her and she will feel used.
So it has been four months and your ex is wanting you back, yeah she may be motivated because you have someone else, but I don't think it proves that she just wants you because she can't have you. If you two were ever in love for real, then that love is still there, it doesn't just vanish in four months.
Does that mean you should get back together with your ex? I don't know the answer to that one, that is up to the two of you. The first step is to find out what her reasons really were for breaking up with you and see if it is anything you are willing to change or commit to. If it isn't then it won't work out and you will be headed for the same break up as before.
So really, you aren't being fair to either girl at the moment, but enjoy your rebound I guess and see where it takes you, or realize that this new girl is not in love with you after two short months, but instead in lust and infatuation where largely she is projecting her perfect image of you onto yourself. You two don't really know each other or your true characters, not yet any way.
If you think I am wrong and this new girl shows great potential, then go for it, but that is what rebound relationships are potential without a result.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 December 2009):
I don't think your lovely new lady deserves it either, and I think you know you're better off with her. Consider the facts. Your ex broke up with you, and when you wanted her back, she didn't want any of it. Yet, now that you have a new girlfriend, she wants you back. I bet she just enjoyed playing your heart, and now realizes she hasn't got it any more, so is trying to break you up and lead you on again. You gave your ex a chance, and she failed you. Her promises are empty. My suggestion is to cut contact and focus your efforts on the new girl who you're seeing. Your ex is your ex for a reason. She didn't love you, and still doesn't, no matter what she says. Go with the new girl.
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