A
male
age
41-50,
*ike_joness
writes:My gf wants me to blackout the face of an ex-girlfriend who i was very in love with from my college grad pics. she is in pics w/ myself, family, and other guests. i graduated in 2002. we broke up 4 years ago. i have the pics on pc and hard copies. i havent looked at them in over 3 years. what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): How are you even asking this question???I believe that your gf is overly excessively jealous and this is not healthy. Why are u even considering this????
Are you sure this woman is right or you? What else do u do or worst not do to avoid her jealousy or possessiveness bc she is so insecure? Plz put your foot down, you are not cheating you have pictures..... She is part o your past
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Your past happened. You went to school, you graduated and you were with another woman. Those things helped make you what you are today. The person you are today is the one she likes. If you give in now you'll only reinforce her behaviour. She'll thinkk it's justified and expect it int he future.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Hello Mike,
There's no reason that you should have to do this. Blacking out someone's face will NOT erase the past. It sounds like your girlfriend has issues with being insecure. I would address those issues, because just blocking out someone's face is not going to do anything but temporarily make her feel better. (And it's going to make you feel like she's a control freak - and probably will drive you nuts after a while.)
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Cariola  +, writes (4 June 2007):
all that your girlfriend seems to be suggesting here is that she doesnt trust you, if she really loved you she would be able to trust you enough to have the pictures still remaining, by her asking you to destroy the pics she is also asking you to destroy part of your past and thats not fair nor is it love, so you have to ask yourself this question do YOU want to get rid of these pictures, if the answer is no or theres any doubt in your mind then my advice to you is not to do it and explain o your girlfriend that this request is making you feel uncomfortable and their seems to be no call for it, it seems as tho it is her with the problem, and thats the issue of trust. speak to her about it
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (4 June 2007):
She is only doing this because she is insecure. If i met a guy and his ex girlfriend was in pictures with his family, it would make me feel like i could never be as special or important to him as she was. Dont black out these pictures, because its her insecureity turning ugly, if you do she will come up with more of these demands. Just try telling her that she is the woman in your life and shes the one you want to be with and that your ex is in thew past. It would also really help if you had no feelings for your ex.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Photos are from the PAST.
I think she is askin too much. Don't ruin your college photos because she says so. She needs to see that photos are from the past and that you arn't with this girl anymore.
She must have photos from being with an ex still lying around! I think everyone does unless they really had a bad break up.
I say tell her no because if you do she'll have far too much control over you for an equal, fair relationship.
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A
female
reader, Clarey +, writes (4 June 2007):
 She is probably feeling insecure because you have told her how much you were in love with the ex girlfiend. Do you still have feelings about her and is she picking up on that? If so, some major reassurance would not go amiss.
Ask her what she feels when she sees the picture. Ask her how she would feel if she could know absolutley that she has nothing to fear. A picture is just that. Your life's experiences have made you who you are. The fact that you can love deeply (many people never really do) is a quality about you which should be cherished and appreciated. The fact that you love your girlfriend and have picked her as worthy of that intense feeling should make her happy on it's own.
Tell her that she does not need to be concerned because you love her without reserve. Ghosts of past relationships are only that. When you can show her the picture and she can be happy about it, unthreatened and secure, you will know that your relationship is mature and stable. I would actually consider saying that to her. As a concession, which you could tell her about, ask your parents to take care of the pictures for posterity and not have them on show? This would be thoughtful.
You need to be loving but firm with her and watch out for other demands or jealousy. If she has a major problem she should get some help. She is not loving you in a mature way, she is being a frightened little girl. Tell her you hope that one day she will have the courage to love you properly, throw off unreasonable fears and accept you truly for your past, present and future - and be very happy to be sharing your life as it is now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): Wow that sounds pretty drastic to me. I would think really carefully before doing something like that, once you black the pictures out there is no going back.
Maybe it would be better to try and reassure your girlfriend so that she doesn't feel threatened by them? She seems insecure and that by knowing you can see pictures of your ex she will not be able to compare. Tell her that you prefer to not try and delete her from your life as they are part of your college years. Just remember your girlfriend is doing this out of insecurity, so deal with her carefully and reassuringly and hopefully she will become more comfortable with it.
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