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age
41-50,
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writes: I met a guy online and have been seeing him for about 3 months now.He is handsome, intelligent, educated and trusted in terms of cheating and I love him so much. I however feel frustrated in the relationship becauses :1. He is sometimes distant and emotionaly cold2. Rarely calls when we are apart,(maybe once in two weeks) we meet once a week3. He does not seem to be close or concerned about my day to day life4. He has a mental illness and does not want to talk about it in detail, like the exact diagnosis.5. His personal hygene is very poor and he sometimes gets offended when I offer to help him do his laundry or clean up his house.I have talked to him about how I feel and he assures me that I should not worry as that is how is and that he loves me, though finds it difficult to express it. About his illness he says if i need more detials I should contact his Doctor and ask him as he may not be the best person to discribe his illness and know the exact diagnosis.I however suspect him to be paranoid.He functions well at work, and the only odd thing that i have noticed on him is his social isolation, poor personal hygene (his home) and execessive mistrust of people Am I expecting too much from him?Should I leave him?Can a relationship work with a mental patient?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThamks alot Denny and Cat for your advice.
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 I would take up his offer of talking to his doctor if I were you. But you should go together, for obvious reasons of course (doctor-patient confidentiality).
A number of mental disorders are quite manageable these days, with proper medication. And, like you said, they can function quite well in their everyday life. The degrees of these disorders are also varied, from mild to severe, and only his doctor can explain to you (as your b/f suggested to you).
If he does love you, and if at one point you live together, you probably can be the one who will be doing all the cleaning up around the house. As for personal hygiene, again, whe you live together, you can tell him that there certain parameters that you'd like to keep. That includes personal hygiene. I'm betting that he probably will agree to this, or he will have a room that he considers his personal sanctuary - and in this room he can be as messy as before you moved in! LOL
As for his social isolation, he sounds more like a loner than an asocial person. After all, he met you and is dating you, right? Being cold, or distant, not calling you often during the week, or not interested in your work, well, that sounds just like a guy who is not that sensitive to what a girl-friend wants. Some men are like that, but they still love their partners nevertheless.
One consideration you might like to think of, is that our genes carry our markers to the next generation. Yours and his. Should you decided to have children in the future, there is a possibility that they will carry those markers too. But again, these days, many mental disorders can be managed medically.
But the fundamental question is, as Damluvaam has said, whether or not you will be prepared to live with him knowing that you will always be the person to do the clean up in the house? And perhaps, if or when he has an episode [due to his disorder]?
This is something that you need to discuss with him of course,
Good luck!
Cat
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