A
female
age
36-40,
*5phany
writes:I met this guy back when I was 19, we started seeing each other but secretly since he didn't wnat anybody to know that we were together, we were sleeping together for about 8 months, then all of the sudden one day he told me he had a girlfriend, i stopped seeing him because I was devastated, but kept sleeping with him for about 4 months or so.The thing is I had a boyfriend later on for about 2 years and he kept calling me but I avoided him all the time , I never got over him!!!! so i thought i should'nt see him anymore, sooo after my first boyfriend I had another who I spen 2 years more, now that we broke up I started seeing this guy again but the thing is now i sleep with him and I have been spending most of my time together every day for the last 2 weeks, now he is acting strange again???? what should I do stop calling him? how can I make this guy fall for me?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Not sure if you. Not just because you can not "make" someone fall in love with you... but also because the parameters of your relationship have already been set. Especially when you've slept with him when he already had a girlfriend.
I have a guy friend... when he was in a relationship he cheated on that girlfriend left and right. He has long since broken up with that girl, but the women he cheated on her with still hang around like little puppy dogs waiting for a bone from this guy. Why, I do not know. Anyway, he told me that he would never, ever even remotely kind of closely consider getting into a relationship with any of those girls. I asked why. He said because he didn't trust them - since they had no problem sleeping with him when he was with his girlfriend, he jkust couldn't trust their moral fibre.
I know that sounds weird. It sounded horribly hypocritical to me. I even tried to argue with him the hypocrisy of his position (since he was the one doing the actual cheating, after all). But, its how he thinks. And, to be honest, how a lot of guys think. When they see you as a piece of tail (if I recall, I had an ex like that who called me his "permanent temp" - always there to screw, but never to get serious with, someone to do between girlfriends... that's when I knew it was time to move on), that's all they see you as. And after 5 years, I'm sure this guy sees you as a "permanent temp" as well.
Trust me, its time to move on, no matter how nice he may be acting at the moment. I'm sure he does care for you. I'm sure he'll even miss you a little when you go. But he's not thinking of getting serious with you. Otherwise, he would've done it already.
A
female
reader, s5phany +, writes (11 March 2009):
s5phany is verified as being by the original poster of the question yep i understand what your saying, but you know what Denny, after all these years this is the first time he is saying cute stuff to me, like I like you now even more, I did crae for you, lets try and see how everything goes, even more we have gone out on dates!!!! that has never happened, anyways all I wanted was a chance for him to get to know me, as me since i didn't have it before, but now if he is starting with that! again man, im tired you know!, anyways thanks dude for all your help is nice to have someone to talk to!
take care,
steph!
...............................
A
female
reader, s5phany +, writes (11 March 2009):
s5phany is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow guys thanks for all your answer it has helped me a lot, I know denny that he is treating me bad, sooooo yeah maybe i kind of deserve that but you have to understand when someone falls in love they do stupid things, but thanks for your advice,!!! really helped im not goign to call him anymore he doesn't deserve me,
...............................
A
female
reader, s5phany +, writes (11 March 2009):
s5phany is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys those answers really helped.... well denny it's not that I allow it it's just that once you love or care for someone is hard to let it go.... but thanx I will stop calling him!!! and thanx a lot to anonymous!!!! great help!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): How can you make this man fall for you?
The short answer is: you can't.
Obviously, he doesn't really care for you, and you have wasted a heck of a lot of time on him, and disrespected yourself by continuing to have sex with him even when he told you he had a girlfriend.
Yes, stop calling him, and, as Denny says, try to figure out why you let men treat you in this way!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Sounds like one tough situation, however, I don't think you should want to make someone fall in love you, because then it's not true love at all, more of a forced love.So, you guys are sleeping together, that's fine, but since you started it in such an interesting way, there's no doubt that it's going to be tough for you two to move forward with an actual exclusive relationship.Sounds to me like you may be a booty call, but you will never really know unless you ask. The important think here is to know that no harm is ever done in asking, maybe he feels the same way but doesn't know how to ask you or talk to you about it, so i think you should have a sit down talk with him, trying your very best to keep it at just a talk and nothing more.I was in a similar situation, he always cheated on his girlfriends with me, we enjoyed each others company and its like no matter what i did i couldn't stop thinking about him and what it would be like if we could just have a relationship, but timing was always off and we were both too scared to admit that we wanted to try a relationship when the time was right, but because we never spoke up it never happened. When the opportunity finally came about, we went on our first date after almost 4 years of hiding our "hook-ups" and it was great, until things got weird, i got enough guts up to tell him how i really felt because i didn't want to miss out on this opportunity, so thanks to facebook I was able to tell him that I cared for him more than just a friend or than just a hook up and id like to try being with him exclusively if he would want to, he stopped talking to me and we both started relationships with other people. I do not regret for one moment what I did, because I learned something very valuable, he only wanted what he couldn't have without any strings attached, from that moment, I lost all interest.... and now that this has happened, he wants me again, but that doesn't matter, or bother me, because in my mind, I am free from that horrible feeling of lust and want and need.I'm not trying to turn you off from talking to him about how you feel, but I am telling you that you cant really walk into it (talking to him about how you feel) hoping for the best, you kind of have to be neutral about it.But the sooner you do it, the easier it will be to move forward with whatever decision is made.
...............................
|
