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anonymous
writes: An old friend who lives far away, called me last night when I wasn't in. He and I have been friends for many years. He and I were engaged and in love about 20 years ago but he wasn't ready to commit and we split-up. From time to time, he calls me. My new b/f knows this other guy calls just to say hi occasionally and he doesn't like it. He took this phone call last night while I was out and asked my old friend, "not to call anymore and to respect my new relationship" My old friend got upset and hung up. When I got home, my new b/f told me what happened. The new b/f was annoyed with the call and said: "It hurts me that he calls you. You wouldn't like it if my old g/f's phoned me, would you? And if they did, I would tell them not to call anymore. You and this guy made love years ago..shared an intimate bond..I think he has to respect what WE have now and not call you, anymore"This old friend is NOT a threat to my new relationship. I will never ever date him again..we are just friends. But my new b'f feels he should back off and respect our new relationship. I did tell my new b/f that I should 've have told my friend "not to call"..and not him. Who's right here? Help, I need some opinions.
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reader, angelina +, writes (15 July 2005):
You have to decide who is more important to you, old b/f or new b/f. If you are serious about your new b/f, you should respect his wishes. Compromise is a necessary evil in relationships. We have to do certain things we don't want to do in order to make our mate happy. Even if YOU know your old b/f is no threat, it is clearly bothering your new b/f and making him very uncomfortable, and if you love the new b/f, it seems you would want to do all you could to make him feel happy and comfortable.Maybe the real problem is you are not that crazy about your new b/f. Or maybe you haven't been together long enough for him to start making demands like this. I'd understand your concern if it's a pretty new r/ship. This would seem to point to him being jealous and controlling, possibly abusive in the future. But if it is a serious r/ship, you have been together for awhile and might end up married, it is time to start making compromises for each other. I'm sure you have/had a few you wanted him to make, and it's only fair for you to do the same for him.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (9 July 2005):
Youre both in the right but Im siding with your boyfriend on this one, everything he has said is right and its not fair on his feelings to carry on this relationship with your ex.If youre boyfrinds not happy about it I think on this occasion, its fair to respect his wishes and end the calls from your old flame.
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