A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ive just found out that my mum is having a internet affair and all the while my father has been in a retirement home very sick I caught her talking to a guy on the phone all i know is he is an American guy what am i to do. I know I will not tell dad but I don't know weather to sit with mum or just wipe her out of my life. Shes 49 years old im 36 this year please help me make the right decision
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 Maybe this isn't an affair perhaps this is a cry for help.she's probably missing your father and just looking to find some comfort and talking to this guy makes her forget her troubles and makes her feel special,you must understand that it's hard for her now her husband is sick in a retirement home she probably just feeling alone right now seeing as your father is ill and away and just needs a man to talk to or something.you should just sit with her and let her know you are also there for her through this tough time.hope this helps.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (14 April 2009):
 One thing that I noticed from your posting, is that the possibility that your mother had you when she was 13 years old. Is that correct? (You are 36 and your Mum is 49).
Cheating as a form of escapism is never correct, of course. However, we should not be judgmental on things we don't know in its entirety.
How long has your father been ill? How is their marriage, before he was ill? Were they happy? Was she [happy]?
When you have a word with your Mum, discuss the issues calmly and lovingly. Listen to what she is saying, as opposed to just hearing her words. Go beyond the words. Find out what she is missing in her life right now. Friends to talk to? Somebody to tell her she is still attractive at 49? Somebody to flatter and shower her with attention and appreciation? Too much free time on her hands? Financial pressure too much on her? And so forth. Be the listener, not the judge and jury. Be the counsellor, not the daughter who is hurting (and protector of dad). Be her friend and confidante.
Only when you get to the bottom of this, can you say "Mum, I can understand now why you are doing this, but I think there is a better way out of this situation without hurting anyone".
Good luck, and I hope you and your Mum will come out stronger than ever!
Cat
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): This must be difficult to deal with. I can understand how you may be feeling angry towards your mother.Like the last poster said, it might be helpful for you to try and talk to your mother about this. You could tell her how you feel, and then listen to what she has to say about how she feels.Maybe she is lonely and would like companionship from a guy. She might not even be taking this internet fling very seriously, like I said, it could be that she wants someone to talk to.It could be though that she does feel serious about this other guy, so yes, I do think that it might be really helpful for you to calmly sit down with your mother and talk to her.I hope things work out well for everyone involved.Take care.x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): i think you being a daughter. should calmly talk to your Mother about it. She is your Mother.. i am sure she will listen to you patiently. ask her . is something bothering in her life.Now actually is the time for her to take care of your dad. look. all i want to say is talk to her.. but patiently listen to her. everything can be solved in life. Only if both the parties understand each other.
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