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female
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anonymous
writes: Hey guys! I know this isnt relevent to this site but i lost my mum in march the 14th this year and im finding it very hard to move on. Ive resorted to booze to ease the pain. I dont want to do this but i cant see any other other way and my life seems pointess. Im 17 years old and im realy scared that one day i'll go mad or die because i miss my mum so much. If i had to give up my life to spend 2 minutes with my mum to tell her how much i love her i would. There were thing i pictured mum being there for like my 18th and wedding. The thing is is that i was the one who found her dead in the morning with blood coming out of her nose and mouth and her hands and lips were blue. she had died of a brain heamorage. Please help me im desepate, i've tried various bereavment site but they offer nothing.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): I lost my mum in September 2002, and to basically answer your question....there is no right or wrong way of recovering from bereavement.However, a little tip I can give you, is to do what I do on a weekly basis and that is to find a small place that you like and basically walk there.I have my weekly walk down a disused railway line in a certain part of Wiltshire, I do this when that nasty feling decides to pay you a visit and that's my signal to go for my walk.As time passes by, you will find that your weekly walk, becomes your fortnightly walk and then your monthly walk and so on.I now find that I only need to have my walk say once every three months or so, however please remember, that sometimes you may find that you wiil need to go more then once every three months when life its self gets on top of you ........now and again..........good luck... Waynexxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): I lost my mum 2 years ago and it still hurts. I wanted to drown myself with alcohol,and still do, but that would let her down,she raised me better than that! The best way to ease the pain is to talk to family and friends who miss her as much as you do and share the wonderful times you had together. It will feel better when you realise you are not the only one feeling like this.
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A
female
reader, Pammie73 +, writes (18 September 2006):
Hello Sweetie,
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. You are going through a terrible time. You are clearly very brave to ask for advice, and deep down I believe you realise that turning to alcohol (or any other substance) won't help.
My dad died when I was 16 years old. I remember being terribly upset for a long long time, but found comfort in being around other family members, crying together....healing the pain.
Right now you have to listen to your emotions. There will be some times when you may feel ok, but then something so small may just bring up the memory of your mum, and you will find yourself hysterical with tears. This is normal, hun - not easy I know. It's the most awful experience of pain and deep loss.
But it will get better, and you will get through this. There will be a time when you will be able to look back fondly at wonderful memories of your mum, and realise how she had helped to shape you into the strong woman that you are becoming. As Gracie Lou says, you will always have a part of your mother from within yourself.
Of course you wish you could tell your mother that you love her. Please try to take comfort in the fact that I am sure she knows this. And maybe think about how your mother may have wished you carry on with your life. Surely, she wouldn't have wanted to know you are turning to alcohol?
Friends and family are so important at this time. You just need to talk to someone close, and it's perfectly normal to be devastated.
Time will help you to heal. You are a young woman, and sound very intelligent, with your whole life ahead of you. Please try and remember this.
Please stay strong, my dear. And feel free if you would like to chat me further...just PM me on here.
All the very best XXXX
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A
male
reader, Mr Ian  +, writes (17 September 2006):
 hey im sorry to hear about your mum, it takes a lot to get through such a loss and i feel for you.
I lost my dad when i was twelve, fortunately my mum was there and shes been a rock to me. Having lost a dad when i was that young wasnt easy, particularly through the puberty years. Im 16 now and have learned a lot and matured. The one thing I found about losing a parent at a young age is that you never lose your desire to see or speak to them again, you are still going to need them no matter what stage of life you go through - however as time goes by you will find your feelings easier to manage.
The best thing that you can possibly do is not to rely on a substance - such as alcahol, instead turn to family and friends with the love that you need. To be blunt, alcahol doesnt love you, and never will.
My family helped me get through, the worst thing you can do this minute is sit and feel sorry for yourself. You are seventeen and have your life ahead of you, you will have people who care for you. You have so many options ahead of you, college, work, who knows where life willtake you?? Theres a good life thats got ur name on it!! go enjoy it!! your mum will always be inside you!! and never forget it!
take care and good luck
btw if u eva wana chat write through this thingymebob!! im here to help!! xx
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A
female
reader, bonnismiles +, writes (17 September 2006):
 hi hen im really sorry about your mum i know your proberley feeling lonley right now but hold your head up dear it hasnt been long since your mum has died it will take a while but it will happen havee you got friends or a boyfriend what will help or even take a break go on a couple days off go on vaccation give your self sometime i hope evrything goes ok for just email me if you wanna chat hen take care xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): I am so sorry you are hurting so badly. Finding your mother dead in the way you did was a horrific shock. It is very natural and understandable that you feel the way you do. It takes time to come to terms with her death, and there is no "set limit" to the length of time your grieving will take.
Drinking is one of the worst things you could do, and as gracie lou says, will only lead to more problems!
Don't hesitate to write a letter - even though its not one you can send - to your mother telling her how much you love her! It can help YOU to put your feelings down on paper (or computer) and/or speak them out loud.
Next, you perhaps should think about contacting Alcoholics Anonymous. It doesn't matter WHY you started drinking, but its a good idea to get help to deal with it now. I'm sure whoever you talk to will be understanding and try to help you to deal with your grief. Maybe in addition find a counselor, or bereavement GROUP (not an online site). Your local hospital should be able to recommend one.
Take care of yourself!
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A
female
reader, gracie lou +, writes (17 September 2006):
 hello there, i'm so sorry that this had to happen to you. ive never experienced anything like that before, so i doubt i'll be of much help but i just wanted to say that if the same thing happened to me with one of my parents i'd react the same way you have, if not worse. you're a really strong person to keep tryin in life after being the one to find your mother. i think if iwere in your situation, i would vow never to take anything for granted. cuz i mean, you never really know what you've got till its gone. also, instead of relying of booze to help ease the pain i would go to someone and lean on them for support. maybe friends, other family members, anyone im sure will be willing as ever to try their best to keep you on your feet after something as tragic as this has happened to you at such an early age. but definitely don't drink the pain away. you will only descend deeper and deeper into self-hate. hope this helps a tiny bit atleast. stay strong, babe. good luck in the future, and don't worry you'll always have a part of your mother inside of yourself.
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