A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 22. Broken up with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Our relationship was 4 and a half years long.Anyway, long story short, some communication between us recently led to him sending an email that basically states problems with our age difference (17 years) relationship (which are ridiculous by the way; one reason was that I would find him a drag *rolls eyes*) but he ended off with this (which really got me): "For pure selfishness n lust, I would love to hv u back again but I know I can't. The problems are real so it's better to let it stay as the best memories." Afterwards, he claimed he feels better off alone and doesn't think he can satisfy the demands of being a boyfriend to a father. I am confused now. Yes I still feel very very deeply for him and want him back. And he seems to have the same sentiment but does not want to act on it. This whole case of knowing the feelings are mutual and yet are not together is tearing me up. What can I do to show him that things will be alright? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 November 2012):
I'm going to level with you here - this man doesn't want to be with you at all, and has gone for the strongest terms possible to cover himself.
What he's done is the 'it's not you it's me' thing. He's entirely attacked himself and taken the blame. But, in doing so, he's actually made it clear that he doesn't want to be with you. Even in his final line, basically, he admits that love was not his number 1 priority with you. It was more about the lust.
sorry, but it's time you read between the lines and accepted that he's not in love with you, and he doesn't want to be with you. If he did, he would be with you, and the word 'love' would have appeared in that final line, rather than 'lust'.
A
female
reader, super-dolly +, writes (3 November 2012):
 you can't. trust me i've been in your situation.
except my age gap was 3 years bigger than yours. sure this man feels like your soul mate and like age doesn't matter but it does. hes on a completely different page to you. this guy wants to settle down and not have any hassles which come with finding yourself when you are younger. me and my x tried again after we broke up and in all honesty after that break i could see this was love but not how love is meant to be its not pure and nice it was sexual attraction and it ended again and yet again iwent through the horrible breakup situation i cried myself to sleep. but at the end of the day were still friends hes there for me when i need him im there for him and although we will always love eachother. it isn't right and it just cannot be. and the sooner you accept that the sooner you move on. and just a word of warning in a few weeks/months he will text telling u he misses u or something like that. love unfortunatley doesn't fix everything. if someone doesnt want a relationship they dont want one for whatever reason and it hurts like hell trust me im going through this exact thing right now. but i can tell you what all girls dream of is the man who will fight for you. wait for the guy who will be knocking your door down telling you he loves you he couldnt bear a life without you. this man is the one you want to be spending your time on. i have no judgement on your relationship i have been in your shoes and i have loved an unhealthy amount. but if someone doesnt want what you want you have to accept that. and im sorry i know you will be hurting and i wish i could help you more with that but time is what will help xxxxx
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