A
female
age
30-35,
*uperbunny
writes:I struggle with my mum's relationship with my brother. He's a year older than me. I'm very envious, which often makes me nasty towards both of them. My mum seems to think he is the most perfect person in the world, even though he dropped out of college, got appalling GCSEs, is very lazy amongst other things. He is also allowed to get away with calling me all the names under the sun - I call him one back and I get screamed at. (Sorry if this seems childish!). He never helps, he never does as he's asked, he's very rude....He never has been different.My mum's always denied she treats us any different - until he was diagnosed with depression about a year ago then she changed her story to "you're both different people, therefore i have to treat you differently," she has since changed her 'story' to "i just click with him better, he's got a much more laid back personality than you," Even my dad's said she treats us unfairly.She switches excuses and it does my head in and to be honest, it really hurts. Why can't she just treat us the same? She once told me in an argument "I just don't know how to handle you!" I'm not saying I've been the perfect daughter, but I've always tried my best - I just don't understand what I've been doing wrong.I know it's terrible but I just see this depression as a label for all the times he's ever been a jerk.. He doesn't act any differently or anything. I know this is me probably just be pathetic, but it really hurts and I just don't know what to do anymore. :(I've tried talking to her but it always just ends in shouting or horrible silences. I wish I knew what to do. :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Xx-BeautyQueen-xX +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Hiya, i have a very similar problem as this, so i made a point to my mum, i moved out to live with my nan, but trust me, it doesnt work, you have to sort this out with your mum or it will just put you down. when i lost my dad, my mum now treats all her kids diffrenly, i have 3 sisters and a brother all older than me, so i get left out very easily, i know its hard but maybe you should try and get on with your mum, have one day a week where you two spend quality time together, go to the movies watch a film, cook something, go shopping, go bowling anything. Your mum will realise your just as good as your brother and you two will soon be friends again! i know its not cool to be friends with your mum, but trust me it will make you feel alot better. Good Luck Darlin! Xx-BeautyQueen-xX
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Hi there, I find your question very similar to my situation. I have a brother who is four years older and my mum has always favoured him. I use to get so irritated with her for it; even my dad would say it was true. My brother is a drop out and has no career or life, his 30 and still sponges of my mum. But yet in my mum's eyes he is her golden boy. I have a good job, my own flat and a wonderful husband and still I am seen as second best. My mum would invite my brother and step brothers for dinner but not me and I would only find out about it when my dad would tell me (Parents divorced) I use to get angry and upset. And I had the same... “We clash where as me and your brother we click" I too asked many times why and she would say it's in my head. But now I don't cause I just think I don't care, I live my life for me and instead of getting upset and angry, I now laugh and think fine, at least when I have my kids I won't be like you. That is the thing to remember, that one day you will have your own family. Don't let it get you down. Your mum does love you!! Be strong and independent and get on with YOUR life. Best of luck xxxxxxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Firstly its not what you are doing, its what your mom is doing.
Now firstly i'l explain my angle. I was a middle child, older brother, younger sister. Brother, first boy, crap at school, badly behaved, lazy etc (later diagnosed as being dyslexic) Sister, youngest child, expected to do well, lots of attention, forgiven for everything. Me, middle child, left to own devices, did very well at school, career minded,well behaved, happy to help.
It wasnt until I was older that I confronted my parents about the way they made me feel. Although I was the 'golden girl' I was ignored whilst the others had endless attention. I have to admitt I never felt less loved than them, but I certainly lacked something, especially as they could do no wrong.
Anyway, I think if your parents are like mine that they can see that you cope well with life, are very clued up and sensible and have good prospects. For some reason they feel that they dont need to support you as much.
If talking hasnt worked then perhaps try writing everything down. Explain exactly how you feel and use very expressive words. Make sure that you write that you felt you couldnt approach them personnally about this as it always causes rows but when they are ready to explain to you why you seem to come last, then you will be willing to listen. I wish you the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (25 September 2007):
superbunny is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you for the advice, my sweeties. :] x
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 One more thing. If your dad and she are together, and she's doing this and he recognizes it, he needs to be a man and step up to his wife and confront her.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 September 2007):
You need a counseling mediator. You aren't getting real far just talking to her, so you need a nonjudgmental individual in the middle to explain the different behaviors and affects of the behavior.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (25 September 2007):
 it does seem unfair, because athough he is her first born (presumably) it's no reason to favour him, or any child, over another.
i think it's because you have obviously lacked quality time together and there isn't a bond between you which inevitably distances you.
if your father agrees with you that there is a distinct favourate, speak to him as aposed to your mum and ask him for help because you feel very left out and upset. perhaps family councelling could help.
best of luck
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