A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My grandma(my mothers mom) was married at 16 and had my mom when she was 17. And they had a great life. My mom never thought her mother was too young. My mother is also always telling me about how she started dating my father when she was 19 and married him THREE MONTHS later. they have had four kids and are now in their mid 40's and happily married. my mother always talks about how it was the best choice in her life. Recently my boyfriend and I of 7 months have made the decision to move back to california to be closer to his mom bc she was recently diagnosed with cancer. I recently turned 18 and I really want to move out to california with him and I plan to. However my mother has always been against any of mine or my siblings relationships taking a step forward.(my brother was 20 when he moved in with his girlfriend. my mother fliped, when whe was MARRIED already at 19) She likes my boyfriend, she has told me many times yet she has been telling me i'm too young to be with someone and im moving too fast with him by moving in. Im not saying me and my boyfriend are going to get married bc its wayyy to soon for that. but im 18 and I really think this is the right choice for me yet im confused why my mother disapproves when she was married at 19 after only 3 months, and always says it was the best decision she ever made. Whats your imput?
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): I think she sees a major difference that you don't. Your brother moved in with his girlfriend and you want to move in with your boyfriend. Your grandmother and your mother MARRIED. Moving in with someone and marrying someone are two different things.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): I'd be with your mom on this. 18 is far too young to tie yourself down to one person. If I had my time over again I wouldn't even consider it until I was 25.
You get married young, have kids, and are tied to the kitchen sink and/or the nursery for the next 15 years at least. In that time you see all your single friends out having a good time and you can't join them all that often, if at all. You don't go to many wild parties any more because you have responsibilities. You know what you're missing and hate it that everyone but you is out enjoying life. You and your other half will struggle financially unless he's got the earning power of two people.
On the plus side, your kids will have fled the nest before your friends kids have, and you'll have the rest of your life to enjoy yourself.
You're still very young, have quite a bit of growing up to do yet, and although you may have this picture of utopia as your future, the chances are it will be anything but for quite some time. Think very carefully about what you're planning to do with your life.
Phil
...............................
A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Hi
I think all moms think like that. Im 20 and wanna get married but my mom thinks that i am too young. My bf and i would be paying for the entire wedding as we are both working and have a stable serious relationship.My mom thinks that i should wait until i am atleast 21 then i can get married which i would be next year. So i decided to do that. When next year comes she would have any other "excuses". Like everyone said you are an adult so yous should what is best for you.The reason that i have decided to wait (like my mum said) is b/c i really want my mum to be a part of my life forever. What is the worst that could happen if you did things your way?
Regards
...............................
A
female
reader, Miss Stella  +, writes (31 January 2008):
You know, I am a mom too. Your mom is just concerned for you and your safety.. But you are an adult and must move on and learn lifes lesson. If it is a mistake, then you will learn from it. If it was meant to be, then it will last.
Do what is best for you. You are an adult. Just let your mom know that you love her an respect her, BUT.. You need to do what is best for you. ... Remember back in the 60's people got married early. My mom married at 17. I had my first child when i was 27.. Soooooooooo do what is best for you girl.
Cheers.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (31 January 2008):
 She's just worried about her kids. It may have been the best decision for her, longterm, but I'm sure it was hard. As you grow older you understand areas of life that may have been a bit less difficult by taking more time to make decisions and sometimes waiting.
Why don't you find out what's really bothering her. Ask her, but let her know, being too young is too general of an answer. Maybe addressing her concerns in an adult manner will help both of you see things from the other persons point of view.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 It was the best decision for her at that time and she has gone through life and thinks you should enjoy more before you get tied down.The decision is yours.
You should enjoy single life till you get tired of it.This is a phase everyone has to go through or it will come back in later life when you are married.
...............................
|
