A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My mother in law is totally against me breastfeeding my daughter. Since her birth she has told my husband that breastfed babies are not as smart as bottle fed babies, that our sex life will not be the same as long as I am breastfeeding, and the I am starving my child becuase breast milk is not healthy. She made it clear that she didn't want me nursing "in public" while at her house so I respect that and I always slip away to a bedroom and lock the door when ever my daughter needs to be fed. She came over to our house today and walked into our family room while I was breastfeeding even after my husband told her I was feeding the baby and started at me because I didn't have enough respect to go into a bedroom. It's our house I should be able to breastfeed where ever I want. I am very comfortable feeding my child anywhere. She is always asking me how long I plan on nursing. I had my son before I met my current husband and when she found out I nursed him until he was 2 she told my husband that she think I might have some "sick sexual desire for babies". How can I educate such a bull headed woman about breastfeeding?
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (1 May 2009):
I think your mother-in-law is giving you a bunch of falsehood and crap. I doubt that you will ever "educate" these ideas out of her. Your main concerns should be to prevent her from damaging the relationship between you and your husband, and to graciously withstand the disrespect and insults that she is giving you.
Let your husband know that his mother is causing problems in the marriage, and give him the chance to do something about it.
Your breast-feeding years are limited, though it's not unrealistic that they may last for another decade or so. When they are over I hope that you and your mother-in-law have not become permanent enemies over this matter. So far as it is within you, try to maintain civility and communication with your mother-in-law.
You already know (as other responses have stated) that her statements about physical health, mental health, and nutrition, are either not supported or totally contradicted by the best current research. As for propriety and indecency it sounds like your behavior is more than acceptable. I personally think there would be less unhealthy fascination with sex, and fewer problems with women's body-image, if more people (especially children) were aware of breastfeeding as a common and normal practice.
For the record:
- My wife breast-fed all of our children, into their third year. They are now between 20 and 29 years old.
- All are quite healthy, with no inclination to being overweight.
- The oldest holds a Master's degree and teaches High School science. The mid-kid had the second best academic record in her High School class of around 350. The youngest has completed 3 semesters of college with an "A" average.
- I won't comment on the problems of sagging, etc. My wife was blessed with small-breastedness, and it's awesome to be married to a 58-yr old who can go braless most of the time and look almost stunning (and NOT in any sleazy, erotic way) in her natural shape.
- If anything, breastfeeding enhanced our married sexlife. I fondly remember many middle-of-the-night feedings that became occasions for gentle, extremely intimate lovemaking.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Your mother in law may have grown up during the period where where the dairy industry lobbied their hardest to the government so they can promote formulae (cow milk) as the best food for babies from day 1. They also must have lobbied any other institutions and put ads in the media on the image that women lose their beauty [in the chest area] due to breastfeeding. That is to say, that the breasts sag lol.
(when in fact, breasts sag when they lose support due to the ageing process of muscles, i.e. losing elasticity - hence bras and muscle exercises are good for women with normal/large breasts).
As for you and your mother in law, there may actually still be a middle ground where you and your mother in law can meet, but it depends on how much milk you produce. If your milk is abundant, it would be good if you can pump and put some into bottles, so the next time your mother in law comes to visit, she can use the bottles for your baby. Annoying as she is, she loves her grandchild too. http://www.breastfeed-essentials.com/storagehandling.html
There are modern hospitals that actually get donations of healthy mothers' milk so their tiny patients can be fed wit a portion of God's most perfect food for babies. And the first 2-3 days of mother's milk contains colostrum, which gives the baby the crucial immune system it needs. (all mammals in the animal kingdom, including us, suffer weak immune system - and in the wild, baby animals without its initial colostrum may not survive into adulthood)
I salute you for breastfeeding your child for 2 years. And yes, this way, they receive not only the best physical but also psychological nourishment (bonding) that they get from their mother. And then these babies grow up lol ... just kidding ..
I would not be surprised that formulae milk was only promoted widely - worldwide! - in early 20th century. Probably before that time, cow milk was a supplement or replacement, but not main staple for babies.
The "good stuff" that people are talking about here, contained in mother's natural milk, can be read in the following articles:
http://www.a1etips4health.com/babytips/Benefits_of_Breastfeeding_Your_Child.html
http://www.childbirthsolutions.com/articles/postpartum/breastfeedingfaq/index.php
http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/notto/
http://www.breastfeedingtorfaen.org.uk/faq.html
http://www.lorie.bandy.com/info.html
http://www.answers.com/topic/lactation
http://www.feministezine.com/feminist/modern/Breastfeeding-Evidence.html
http://hubpages.com/hub/Breastfeeding-Tips
www.womenshealth.gov/Breastfeeding/Breastfeeding.pdf
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breast_feeding
and many more :-)
Have these pages printed out and put in a clear folder, and put it where it is easily accessible so the next time your mother in law comes for a visit, she can "discover" these on her own. Perhaps some books too, but they may make you look patronizing to her.
It's a generation gap combined with personality differences or incompatibility, between you and your mother in law. If it's not too bad, just go with the flow. Oftentimes, annoying as they are, grandmas are good babysitters lol
Congratulations on your new baby!
Cat
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A
female
reader, DarkDee  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 In all honest truth. Its YOUR child. YOU are the mother and no one should be telling you how and what to do!!!! I nursed my daughter for 7 months and my mild dried up. I would have loved to do it for longer but I couldnt.
The fact is that bottle fed babies are more likely to get sick have stomach problems or lung problems when they are older. Just think of all the shit they put in that stuff. All artifitial stuff. Your body gives your child natural stuff. They way it has been for years. Even Noah's mother nursed him she didnt pull out a bottle and fed him on tinned crap.
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A
male
reader, shades of blue +, writes (15 April 2009):
 I am sorry you are going through this! My mother in law treats me terrible as well. I had to write her off several years ago.
My wife breastfed all 5 of my kids. She so enjoyed that special time with them. Take courage that you are doing the right thing.
Can you educate her? Probably not. She will have other issues with you even if you went to a bottle.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 How can something artificial be superior to the natural thing?
Scientific evidence has shown that breastfeeding is healthier for the baby, and research suggests that there are benefits for the mother as well. My chemistry teachers says that breastfeeding a baby may reduce the risk of breast cancer in the mother, and it is beneficial for the baby's health. I have also read this in a series of science books and magazines. Screw your damn mother in law. No offense, but she's ignorant. This is your personal decision, and not her business. Don't be belligerent, but just let it go in one ear and out the other. You have to do what's best for the baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): What is wrong with your husband??? There's no way he should be letting his mother abuse and harrass you this way. It might not hurt to gently remind him that you could use his support against that vicious old bat.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (15 April 2009):
 She wants you to bottle feed your child because she selfishly wants to be able to feed the baby too. It's a pretty rotten way to sabotage a good, healthy start in life, considering that breast is best, and it has been recognized as the best way for a long while now. Besides, you never have to sterilize your own boobs or heat them up at 2 am. LOL!
Tell your husband that she is not allowed to be in your house if she butts in and then make him stand up for you and his family, in the nicest possible way. There is no fighting over who your husband is married to or who is his wife. He has to realize that you come first now that you are married.
As to how you fed your other son, that's none of her business. Any woman who infers that you have a thing for babies because you breast fed for 2 years has her own agenda, and frankly, I would tread very softly around her... with my eyes and ears WIDE open. She's nuts, evil and shit-stirring and you need to protect your family from this nonsense.
I would "kill her with kindness", while not entertaining any more of her non-subtle innuendos. Sit your husband down and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that she is not allowed to wander around your house or tell you what to do in it, and keep your visits with her at her house short. When you need to feed your baby, and she wants you to hide, take your husband and children and go back to your own home. She'll get the hang of how things are pretty quickly if you don't put up with it. Good Luck Sugar, and stand your ground.
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (15 April 2009):
 You need to tell this woman straight that this is your child and you will bring it up your way. Tell her to stick her stupid unwanted comment where the sun don't shine.
Really people like that do my nut in.
Research has proven breastfed children will be smarter than bottlefed children because they are getting the right nutrients and minerals they need which they won't get from bottle milk.
You have a right to breastfeed in your own home! Its your house and if she doesn't like it then she can go sit in the toilet and lock the door.
But if i were you i would tell her straight that you will bring your child up and feed them how you want to and breast is always best. Get your husband to have a word with her if you can't bring yourself to.
Good luck
Livia
xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Wow. What a piece of work she is. First of all your mother in law should not be concerned for your sex life on any way! Second of all if you want to feed your baby in your own living room then you should do so! She's a little too far in your business dont you think? All current studies point to the fact that breastfed babies are smarter. Not only that but they have less allergies, less tummy problems, well you know all this right? Anyway dont try and educate her because it sounds like she is set in her ways. If I were you I would ask your husband to speak to her about keeping her opinions to herself. If not you may have to do it yourself! Remember, thats your baby and your family, dont let her bully you!
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (15 April 2009):
 You can't educate and idiot like that. I do find it amusing though, try telling her that you are breast feeding because that is the best way to make your child gay, stand back and watch the fireworks.
Or just ban the old bat from your household, or leave with her Grandchild every time she comes round until your husband tells her that she is being insensitive.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): The woman is daft. Ignore her. In olden times it was beleived breastfeeding was unhealthy. Those views belong in the 1930s, not the 2000s.
The kid is your son, not hers. Don't let her dictate to you whether to breastfeed or not.
As for bottle-fed babies being smarter - rubbish! I was breastfed for 9 mths and I'm studying for my 3rd degree at the moment. Breastmilk is also healthier than regular milk for babies as it contains nutrients that are absent in carton milk.
Do your own thing. That said, so as to avoid getting on her bad side, don't do it in her presence.
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