A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My problem is my mother in law. she is very involved in mine and my fiance life. we have 2 kids together and she is always insisting on spending time with her son and the kids and excluding me. I have now forbid her to see the kids with out me being present as she has left the kids in the car, slapped my son through the face and ran me down infront of my son. when i approached my fiance he told his mom and the next day she said to my son "you have such a big mouth, it is your fault mom and dad are not married". she also insists on giving my daughter of 3 years a bottle when I ask her not to. Now his family have disowned me and exclude me from all family events. my fiance believes that it is my fault and that his mother is very capable of watching the kids with out me. how can I get him to open his eyes and see what his mother is doing is wrong?????
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female
reader, Tanyas247  +, writes (2 February 2007):
 I am so sorry. It is very frustrating to be misunderstood and treated poorly. His family is probably hearing all sorts of stories from his mother. It is an awful situation, and this woman sounds like she's a little bit nuts.
When we encounter irrational, nutty people in our lives, usually we can accept their craziness and walk away. In this case, as you are family, things need to be civil if you are going to stay with your children's father.
Your guy is not doing the right thing. His children and partner should come first and foremost. My guess is that he is actually a little afraid of his nutty mother. I would be. So he isn't stepping up in your honor because of this.
If your children do not like their grandmother because of how she treats them, I would get a restraining order and report this abuse. If she has banned you from activities, there is no way you should allow your fiancee to take your children to see her. Especially if she is cruel. The fact that she has turned her abuse around on you is even worse.
I would consider other options. There are other men who have nice moms who stay out of the way. Your children deserve better, and so do you.
Best of Luck
Tanya
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): I am not sure what you can do to open his eyes, but it is really his responsibility to work out this relationship problem between you and his mother by listening to you and speaking to her and setting some boundaries,
I would suggest you think about exactly what it is you expect and want from this relationship, and tell your husband what the list is, and ask him to address these issues with his mother, that you are not going to continue to confront her about it, since he has the history with her not you.
His job is to support you, but not neccessarily agree with everything you say....still you need to come to an agreement about a few things first and go from there with the mother in law. Avoid ocntact with her for several months and no discussions or old fights over the same things, give her time to get less addicted to being the boss of you, and then see how you might incrementally allow her back into your life....being excluded from these family events is probably want you need to do for now anyway. Your mother in law is very wrong for sticking her nose in your affairs the way she does and slapping your children, she may be the grandma, but that is not her place to discipline in that manner, she does not know any better but that is no excuse and you are in the right for protecting your children from that kind of abuse.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 It seems that he doesn't want to see it more than he can't. Probably he was brought up in much the same way as your MIL treats your kids and therefore because it's familiar and because he's turned out okay he doesn't see anything wrong with it. Personally I think you're right that this behaviour is unacceptable but it would be unfair of you to stop the children seeing their gran. Just a little story for you.... my maternal grandparents did this to my father. They cut him out because they disliked him. I only found this out when I was 16 and since then I have respected my Dad so strongly for never trying to turn me and my brother against them and I hate them for the way theyve treated him. Your kids will wise up in time but I guess until then you need to let them learn for themselves. You can't protect them from all the bad people in the world however much you try.
CD
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