A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have tried to get close to my mother in law, but it feels like she only puts up me because I'm married to her son. She always has something nasty to say, but it is usually when it's just her and I! For example it was just her and I in the car and she says to me out of the blue "I thought you would have lost some weight when your tooth was bothering you." That is just a taste of how cruel she can be. She even had the nerve to open our mail Aunt Pam sent us, wedding card and some money, she had the nerve to open our mail and tell me about it and went on to say Aunt Pam sent you guys $50 but I kept it because I needed it. She didn't even let me have the card.My husband just joined the army before we got married, I think she blames me but it was truly his decision, he wants to have a family and so do I, I'm not going to keep be treated this way because a person can only take so much and I'm afraid that one day I will say something I will regret! MY husband is very close to his mother I really don't think this is going to change!
View related questions:
money, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): All the aunts below are right. Talk to your husband. Your husband is an 'unaware' co-conspirator is all this mess, and you need to talk to him. He needs to learn to be a strong man and protect his family, meaning you. Plus he has to learn to get his Mother in line before you both have children. A good, mature, loving husband polices the boundaries of his family and allows no one-including his errant, rude Mother, to step over the lineand hurt his loved ones.. Tell him...."this is your Mother and you handle her bad behavior". It's not your jobto deal with her. If he chooses not to talk to his Mother, then you tell him, you will be forced to 'stand up for yourself and you will not be responsible for the family upheaval, this will cause. I ahve to say, your mother-in-law is a very clever woman. She has latched onto a manipulative, controlling technique which gives her the power in this family she wishes to retain. She's like a queen on her throne. Ruling with an iron fist. Her misbehavior will worsen if your husband doesn't set some tough boundaries with her. This is not a case where he is to turn a 'blind eye'. There is no reason that your future children should put up with the BS and crap, this woman will dish out. You talk to your husband now, and tell him..you are done tolerating his Mother's cruel,unwarranted behaviors. If he doesn't do this you definitely will have a hellish future ahead of you. I would get this situation straightened out, before any babies are born into this union. Good luck, dear and be strong.
A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (20 July 2007):
Speak to your husband, but be sure to plan how you are going to tell him first. You must not come across as bitchy or hysterical, or he will conclude that you are at least 50% to blame, or maybe 100% to blame. Tell him calmly that she is rude when you are alone, and tell him about the mail-opening. Tell him that you have tried to be friendly, but that it isn't working, and ask for his support. You should be dealing with her as a united front. This doesn't mean that you have to confront her together, but she needs to see that your husband supports you totally, and that he doesn't believe that it is your fault. I hope you can plan to move out pretty soon as well, because I doubt that you and your MIL are ever going to be best buddies. Distance is often the best cure.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (20 July 2007):
 She sounds like a real charmer!
Firstly, speak to your husband about it. Make sure he knows exactly what is being said and how you feel. I am pretty sure that he will be understanding and supportive. He may try and brush things under the carpet and tell you that he understands but she may be doing out of her concern for your health etc etc. But just be firm and tell him, no, it was said in such a manner that you can only perceive it as being malicious and spitefull.
You also need to make him aware of the opening of the mail and the invasion of privacy! I have a neighbour who was coming into my home during the day, opening my mail and then phoning me to tell me what mail had arrived.
At first I thought she was just a nosey old bat, and I asked her to stop doing that because I felt she was invading my privacy. She did the whole, "I was only looking out for you" etc etc, and she didnt visit etc for a couple of days. Later she actually came and apologised and said that she had time to think about it and it was wrong etc etc. The fact that I had been firm but open, honest and polite about it, she was totally okay about it!
But you need to make your husband aware, so that if you say something and runs off to tell him, that he can be ready with a comeback!
...............................
A
female
reader, neonpinkngooey +, writes (20 July 2007):
 Your marriage ties you through thick and thin. He will be by your side, just as long as you are not being irrational. Since he is close to his mother, remember not to say anything critical of her. Let him know that you truly enjoy his mother's company, but when you are alone, she is very rude to you. Let him know what she has told you! If anything, he is the right person to deal with it. He knows his mother better than you do, and will know how to make the situation better.If he takes no action, or if nothing changes, you will have to muster up the courage to do it yourself. Ask her why she persists on being so mean to you. There may be a good reason that you are unaware of. Just remember to make sure you are respectful of your husband and mother-in-law no matter what happens. Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (19 July 2007):
Gee! your mother-in-law sounds just like my long departed sweeter than honey M-in-L,who stabbed me in the back by way of my wife. Didn't know about it till long after she had passed away. We took care of her needs after we moved out of her home. Gave my wife a choice stay with your mother or come with me. I didn't marry your mother. I married you. You will also have to see about moving out of her house,as I don't see her as willing to accept you as a loving daughter-in-law. she has made that quite clear by her actions and words. I left my w-in-law because I could feel the hate that she had in her heart for me. Yes! I would do it again in a heart beat. To have stayed in an abusive, M-in-Law relationship would no doubt have destroyed our marriage. So what I'm saying , You need to get "Her" out of your marital relationship, PDQ. ( Pretty- Damn- Quick) before she destroys it, or your marriage will become a living Hell on earth. Been there did that,and moved on with our lives without my M-In-Law's hate.Yes it can change, but you will have to be the one to change M-IN-law Hell into heavenly bliss. If your Husband really loves you, He'll take your word about his mother,and move out of her home, if not, Perhaps you have family who can put you up for awhile, till he comes to his senses. She is destroying your marriage, but then ,he's too blind to see what is really going on.So Run, Run, Run, That's what my wife and I did, and no regrets.
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (19 July 2007):
 You really need to talk to your husband about this because i think no matter how close he is to his mother if he knew how she was bullying you then he would have something to say about it.
If it only happens when it is just the two of you then get a dictaphone and keep it in your bag when she is around and tape some of the things she says to you and then if you tell your husband and he does not believe you then you can play it back to him.
Take care.xx.
...............................
|
