A
female
age
26-29,
*aandaaOlveraa
writes:this morning that i woke up i heard my mom talking to my family saying a lot of bad things about my boyfriend. i dont understand what her problem is, he doesnt do anything bad, and im not saying it just because i love him, im saying it because its true. not once has he disrespected me or treated me in a way i shouldnt be treated. we actually start screaming and arguing about it constantly..i feel like i should break up with him because of her.. about two weeks ago i caught her with a man in my house they were half naked, and i havent made a fuss (shes still married, and my dad is in jail) like i thought i would. she should actually understand my pain instead of making my life so miserable. i dont know how to cope with the feelings. what should i do, what is the right thing to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): She's taking her angst out about your father who's in jail on your boyfriend. She feels abandoned and lonely and sought comfort through this other man. She also fears that she'll lose you and that your boyfriend threatens her relationship with you and so the bad things she's saying about him stem from jealousy, doubt, and fear.
It must be a very hard time for her--especially this time of the year.
Like the other poster said, I think you need to have a serious talk with her about your feelings--without the screaming. Instead of accusing, tell her it hurts you when she says such things.
I also think you need to be there for her and be supportive of her through this rough time. Reassure her that you're there for her.
If she still refuses to accept your boyfriend, and she may never accept him no matter what you say or he does, then simply ignore what she says about him.
Whatever you do, don't break up with him. If you love him and think he's a great guy, stay true to him and your feelings.
Looking back, my mother did the same about my boyfriend, who later became my husband. I've been married more than 30 years now. I just ignored it when she started in, and she eventually stopped, because she knew I wasn't listening.
Hopefully, your mother will do the same.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 December 2010):
 I'm going to take this into a direction that may or may not hold truth. It's said that girls are generally attracted to guys who have characteristics similar to their father. You mentioned your dad is in jail. Could you mom see something in your guy that reminds her of your dad, that would cause her concern?
I think you and your mom need to be more open with your communicating. She had a guy there, half naked. Don't tell me that didn't affect you at all. Your dad is in jail.... How does that make you feel? I believe there are some issues between you and her that are not being resolved. You are both trying to be strong through issues that neither one of you should have to be strong to go through alone.
You two need to talk this out, and talk about what both of you go through with your dad being in jail. Your young, and I'm sure you realize that holding in feelings or repressing emotions will cause you bigger problems down the road. Ask her why she said those things about your boyfriend, and talk through it. It seems you both go with the flow without bringing these difficult things to the table for discussion.
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