A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there's this boy that I've been seeing recently, it's been 3 months since mine and my boyfriend's break-up after two and half years, I want to know if this is too soon to move on or if this amount of time is normal?But I would also like some advice on this other boy that i've been seeing, for a while my friends and I referred to me living my own Twilight movie, I had my own Jacob Black and Edward Cullen, while one was very nice but had some difficulties in his life and so that kinda ended quickly, while the other wanted to be super "mysterious" as he would like to say..The first night we hung out he said that he wanted to hang out with me more often and i asked him if he was being serious or if he was just like all of the other boys out there that say that and never call back, well we got into a conversation about how actions speak louder than words, and he started to talk about if he says he wants to hang out and he does then it really shows that he wants to hang out. Well lately hes been saying that he wants to hang out and over a week ago we planned on going to the movies together and that hasn't happened yet, well last night was suppose to be the night that we were going to go out for dinner and a movie but when we meet up he tells me that he's going to go and drink with his brother. and i was ok with that, i understand family is family and you need to spend time with them, but that's not the part that bothers me, what bothers me is when i asked him why he hasn't been wanting to hang out he said that it was because it's more fun to keep the girl hanging and have it be mysterious in this sort of relationship/friendship....Is this normal? I did tell him that it wasn't cool to play with ones emotions and lead them to believe something different...IDK if this is because of me, or if im just thinking too much about it but he seems like he's playing me. I'm not the type of girl who gets played... I promised myself that I wouldn't text him today and see how that turns out, is this the right thing?I'm really confused right now, so if anyone can give me just a little advice that would be great. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses.So the yesterday I went to lunch with his ex girlfriend and we sat down and talked about it for a few hours and she was telling me that the reason why he plays girls so much is because he is really insecure about himself and he doesn't know how to take it out on anything and this is what he does for fun...aparently he used to be a nice guy until one day he just went nuts...We went out to lunch Thursday afternoon and he told me that he would be with me but he said he's just not ready for a relationship-emotionally ready that is...I asked his ex girlfriend what this meant and she said it's a way of him kicking someone off the curb...
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 December 2010):
 is it time to let go of this guy? who just wants to keep you on the back burner, there in the background, for when he has the time?Pleased to hear you did some SWOT analysis of your guy to arrive at the +and - of this guy. And you found the negatives out weighed the positives. His ex girlfriend was trying to do you a favor, telling you his well practised modus operandi.He has a formula to reel girls in and make the girl curious. He may even focus on girls who are more likely to put up with his so called ''mystery''. I think the latter, ''mystery'' is just a cover so he can have more time to cultivate new girls and string them along.The way this guy is operating is not how a guy behaves when he really cares abouta girl and really into the girl and wants to know her more.When you find a guy who is the real deal you will look back and wonder why youever wasted your time with the one you are enduring at the moment.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 December 2010):
 Again, don dispute your own wisdom. If in your own view the cons are many more than the pros, it's a losing proposition - give it a miss.
As for dinner, it's not such a big deal, you can have dinner with him if you want. After all, he had said he wants to be just friends with you, and you said that you want to be friends with him, so a dinner won't change much in the greater scheme of things.
From what his ex says though, and your friends say, and yourself say, I get the impression that by "just friends " he does not mean "platonic friends "- more like "friends with benefits " would be his style.
But, forewarned is foretold, you are armed with your list of pros and cons, I think you can handle it and make sure that dinner means just dinner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, so here's the dealio. I didn't text him all day the day I said I wouldn't, luckily later on in the day he was the one to text me, thinking that he was going to text me because the night before he said that he was going to be hanging out with some friends i didn't really expect him to just as i don't expect anything from him...
He texted me first and asked how my day was and if i had any plans, he asked if we were still on for the movies the next day and i said yes.
We went to the movies, spent some time together he drove me home and we spent some more time together, the next day he text me telling me the 4 words that almost everone hates to hear, 2 hours go by and im dreading what he's going to say. Maybe it's something like "i don't want to see you anymore" or "you're just not right for me" well when the time comes, it's no where near that but he lays on me that we can only be friends, and im ok with that, i don't want to rush things because it will only scare him off.
The night gets later and I stay online on facebook, his ex girlfriend writes me asking me why i like him and that i shouldn't because he plays girls. Something I realy don't want to hear, so we get into a conversation about it and she tells me about some of his ex girlfriends and then she ask me how i started to hang out with him, before i can finish my sentence she finishes it for me and it's the exact same night that i had with him the first time we hung out. so i guess he's been using the same damn routine on every girl.
Well he is suppose to take me to dinner tonight but it snowed and apparantly his car doesn't work well in snow which is totally bull crap because he went snow boarding the other day...
So tell me now, any other advice?
I asked some friends if i should still go, one friend told me to just drop him and never talk to him again, while another told me to go out to dinner and get as much out of him as i possibly can, while another told me to make a pro and con list for him. which i did. and the list of cons is alot bigger than the pros.
Any other advice?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 December 2010):
Question No. 1) you get to decide. If you feel that after 3 months and a half you are ready to move on, then do. If you are forcing yourself to move on, then you'll have the rebound effect and most probably anything born in these circumstances will be short lived.
Question N. 2 ) don't dispute your own wisdom :) You already found out that actions speak louder than words- stick to that. We might give him the benefit of the doubt, since after all we are talking about just one week from when he said he wanted to hang out to when,in fact, he did not- some times stuff comes up regardless of our intentions . But I don't like his comment about being "mysterious ", that's something a 15 y.o. boy would say. If he really believes it, he is a moron- if he was tryng to be funny- well, he failed.
Right, don't text him . Don't do anything. If he really wants to hang out, he will have to shed his cloak of mystery.. and seeking you out proactively !
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 December 2010):
No, it is not normal. When a guy really likes you he wants to spend as much time as possible with you. He wants to know everything about you.
This guy is not into you. He's stringing you along.
Nice guys keep their promises. When they say they will do something they mean it. And it happens. If you go on an outing together they do not park you in a corner while they go off to talk to their friends. They remember your birthday. They talk to you regularly. They like being with you. They introduce you to their friends with pride. They take you to meet the family. They treat you with respect.
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