A
female
age
30-35,
*kelse9
writes:I have been dating my bf for about 8 months now.My parents don't really like him because when he was 17 he and a bunch of friends broke into a cottage, threw a party and the place got trashed. He got house arrest and had to do community service. My mom always tries to find something wrong with him.this summer while we were camping she noticed some bruises and started questioning me. I didnt really know what to say to her so I told her it was nothing. Sometimes during sex he gets alittle rough. But I didnt want to say that to her. This past week she bought me a dress and was with me when I was trying it on and again noticed a few bruises and totally lost it. she started blaming him for being abusive and said i was covering for him. He isnt like that at all he would never hurt me like that. I want to explain to her that it isnt what she think it is but she wont listen to me. I dont want to tell her thats its from him during sex because I know she will still be mad. so how should I tell her with out her being mad and with our giving to many details. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 October 2011):
 I get it... we sometimes get rough... and I bruise easily because my vitamin C is low.
1. up your vitamin C to see if it helps the bruising
2. ask Bf to be more mindful of it. (hard I know I'm covered in deep scratches down my back right now that were great when I got them)...
3. Even though you are over 18 and your mom is going to worry. I'm 51 and my daddy is still my daddy and still worries about me... so as hard as it is you may have to come clean with mom....
just tell her with a smile.. MOM, I love you and I know you are worried but I think if I told you the truth you might not be comfortable....
my mom when I was 29 or so and living in my own house (divorced) and the mother of her two grandchildren (who were with their dad at the time) called me one morning and said "where were you last night?" It was NONE of her business... and I said to her "IF you ask me you need to be prepared for the answer so are you sure you want to know???"
she said yes so I told her "I was out getting laid"... she never asked me again....
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 October 2011):
Regardless if you're an adult, your mom is going to worry about you, you're her child.
However, some people get a little rough during sex and some people bruise easily. My friend is into that stuff--so I know it's a possibility.
I think you should just tell her, if you really don't want to (because how incredibly awkward is it to tell your mom that sex with your bf gets a little rough?) then as others have said, just tell your bf to be a little gentler because it's causing some concern with your family.
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (9 October 2011):
 Sit down and talk honestly with your Mum. Also make sure that you also let her know that you appreciate she is concerned for you and you know that she loves you, but that her constant questioning and accusations are causing you stress. You are at least 18 years old and you are an adult, and your Mum needs to respect that. She will still worry and always will, but she needs to respect that you can make your own decisions, and hopefully if you can talk to her about it calmly as an adult, she may realise she will be pushing you further away the more she acts this way. I wish you the best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2011): You can ask your boyfriend to be more gentle automatically, or you can tell your mom you're having sex, and that's where you're getting the bruises. Otherwise, your mom is going to continue to assume he's abusive.
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (8 October 2011):
Tell your boyfriend to stop being rough during sex. Either way a parent does not want to see bruises on their daughter.
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female
reader, 9kelse9 +, writes (8 October 2011):
9kelse9 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe don't really set out to have rough sex, he likes to take control and some times he gets really into it and I guess he doesn't realize his own strength. If I tell him to stop or say he is hurting me he will let go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2011): At least telling her that he isn't hitting you, and that it's from sex will get her off your back about him being abusive. If you like rough sex, it's not abuse.
You're an adult -- at least 18 -- so your mother needs to accept that you do adult-type things, like have sex with your boyfriend. Yes, she will likely be angry still, but at least she can stop accusing him of being abusive, which is a very bad stigma to have.
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