A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know that this might be a little bit off topic but planning my wedding and have a few questions for you all:- how should i involve my stepdad- i lived with him and my mum growing up and went to my dads at weekends and holidays so he has been as big a part of my life as my dad.- my fiance plays rugby with a group of quite rowdy rugby lads and want advice on how to deal with them at the reception where there will be an open bar they are really good lads but i know they will enjoy the bar a bit too much- should i tell my fiance that i might not be up to much on our wedding night so might have to change it so we do our bedroom activities between the ceremony and reception? We will have a good 6 hours between and i want to give him a good time on our wedding day but know i will be too tired at the end of the night. Do you think he would mind? Guys, would you mind if your wife did this?
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female
reader, charliesdevil73  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 First off, congratulations on your upcoming marriage. I just got married on the 8th and dealt with all these issues so hopefully my experience will help you.I don't have a step dad, but my mom has a long term boyfriend and I lived with them for almost 8 years. I just included him in everything my mom was included in. I also made sure he got a boutonniere along with the dads. He said it was get to be included and he had a great time at the wedding.Your fiance is going to have to talk to his friends about not getting too drunk at the reception. I have a few family members and my husband had a few friends who drink a little too much sometimes. We just talked to them personally and they all seemed to understand why they were being talked to. None of them got too drunk or made a scene.As for the wedding night, go with what works for you. We planned for a romantic night after the wedding, but went bar hopping with some friends for a couple of hours after the reception. I was too drunk and tired for anything so we just waited until the next day. He was a little dissapointed, but he helped me get my pjs on and tucked me into bed and we got to spend our first night together falling asleep in each others arms. He said it was perfect even though it wasn't what he expected. If you are worried about how your fiance will feel if you aren't up to anything after the reception, then use your time after the wedding to have some intimate time. But, I am sure he will be fine if he doesn't get any until the next day. After all, you two will have the rest of your lives to be with each other. Lastly, one word of advice...try to take a moment to just breath before the ceremony, it will help you relax. I was so nervous and concentrating so much on not locking my knees and passing out that I don't remember as much as I would like to. I hope it all goes well for you :)
A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (8 October 2011):
1. How thoughtful of you! These are important decisions in terms of Dad and Step Dad that could have life-liong consequences. Make sure you include them both in some way. However: Make sure your biological Dad walks you down the aisle and first dance. You will understand more when you have children what this means. He may not show it, and good for him if he doesn't, but there might be resentment an stories you know nothing about. Dad is Dad. Also, talk to your Dad about plans for Step Dad. And vice versa. Thank you Step Dad for being a great and improtant part of your life. He deserves that greatly too. I would ask your Dad to possibly do a reading at Church and possibly do a toast at the Wedding -- if Dad doesn't mind (or Dad can do one too) --. (2) Rugby players eh? I'd say Open Bar for one hour at start of reception (order no more than two drinks) and wine on table but that's it. You are asking for trouble otherwise. Also, tell rugby players to behave becuiase the pretty girls do not like drunks, and they'll want to get laid. (3) Don;t say anothing, and don;t stress. Screw his brains out during that 6 hour period -- he won;t be asking questions believe me!- and if he really wants to do it again at the end of the day, just make it a quickie (and you can tell him that, say you're tired). Also, secret to happy marriage: Tell husband that he's the best and biggest lover, and have sex wityh him twice a week at least. Even if it's for 10 minutes. He won;t ask for anything more except a good dinner. You will have a wildly happy marriage with very small effort.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2011): You could have your dad walk you halfway down the aisle and your stepdad walk you the other half. I have heard this has been done before, and I intend to do something similar, as I, too, am in your situation here.
As for the rugby boys, your fiance needs to talk to them first, in advance of the reception, to address their enjoyment of the open bar. If they respect him as a friend, they'll be more careful about their rowdy behavior while at the reception.
You should absolutely enjoy the time between your ceremony and reception, but you don't need to call off all plans for after the reception. You might surprise yourself with how much energy you have... and at the very least, you can enjoy your night at the end at least a little before falling asleep. I don't think your fiance would be angry about it, but it might disappoint him or ruin what he planned.
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