A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need advice. (I'm a 13yr old girl) so, Me and my mother usually get along but yesterday she kind of had a really bad mood swing. Worse one I have ever heard in my 13 years. She said she would leave our home and she wouldent care if i was alone. Do you think she still loves me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, heartsick  +, writes (5 February 2008):
Oh sweetheart, that must have been very upsetting to hear. I don't think parents always realise the damage they could be doing with a flippant comment. On the other hand, I think we all (even adults) sometimes forget that our parents are humans too, with their own emotions and faults.
Now, of course I don't know your mum and I wasn't there - so how can I say what she meant or why she said it.
But you have to ask yourself - is this normal for her? You say you're normally close - so it sounds like this is out of character. Is she under pressure at the moment? Had you accidentally put extra pressure on her about something?
Even if you did, that doesn't mean you're responsible for what she said - it's a hurtful thing to hear. However, it could just be that you caught her at a bad moment, and it was a rash comment. When she's calmed down a bit, she might realise that she shouldn't have said it and apologise.
Thing is - adults are not always good at admitting their wrong to their own kids. So you might not get a straight apology - but I would imagine that when she calms down, she may feel guilty and try to make it up to you.
If it is out of character for her to say something like this, then she probably didn't mean it.
It takes a brave person to make the first move - but you're growing up now. Maybe you could make her a cup of tea or coffee, offer to help her out in some way, a hug maybe, and encourage her to sit down for a little while. If you can find the words, tell her you're sorry if you pushed her too far and ask if she's ok. (I'm not saying you were wrong, not at all - but it may help her see what's happened).
Hopefully, it will prompt her to reflect on what happened and she may talk it over with you. If it doesn't, then you will know that you have tried to sort things out, and you may just need to give her a bit of time.
I doubt very much that she meant what she said, so try not to let it make you insecure, and try not to resent her for it if it was a one-off. She's only human too, and even parents aren't perfect. You're turning into a woman now, and that means that you both need to adapt to how you communicate.
Try to keep talking, even if it just starts with little first steps. Good luck, and don't torture yourself by imagining she will leave. Just talk to her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): Of course she still loves you, but sometimes when people are stressed out due to life's pressures...sometimes they lash out at the people they cherish and love the most. So what happened with you and your Mother, here? Were you two arguing..when she said this? What was the 'family dynamic that was happening at the very moment, she said this. My guess is, she may be having some troubles or some anxiety in her life, and she said a mean remark, that she did not mean. Stress does that to the nicest, loving people. It's makes them say irrational things. If you both get along, most of the time, that is a good indicator you and she have a good relationship. Why don't you approach your Mom when she is calmed down, and share your feelings with her. It is then you will likely get an apology and a big hug from her. I think you need her assurances here..never be afraid to ask her that.
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