A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok I met this guy new years and have been seeing him since, well I live with my mom cause I can't afford my own place as a full time student. well every since I have started seeing him, my mom invites him over most of the time, she asks him to go grocery shopping with her, to do this and that and when I talk to him he always asks where my mom is, what she's doing and same goes for her, she always asks if I have heard from him and what he's doing and all that I have a suspicion on what's going on with them but I don't wanna accuse cause I'm not sure.My mom is married but her husband is in afganistan and has been for the past 3 years but it kinda bugs me he invited her to dinner I didn't even know about it till my mom Asked me if I wanted to go and then he text me are u guys coming over for dinner I didn't even get an invite and told him no. every time he's around, my mom gets real Disrespectful and mean. I don't know whats going on with them any suggestions or comments?Do you think there sleeping together secretly and she's using me as cover to my step dad cause we aren't together but she told my step dad we were any suggestions or comments
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (4 February 2011):
Hi. You probably made the right choice and would have thought about it carefully before deciding.
As hard as it was to do, and you may be a little upset for a few weeks, it was probably the right choice.
At the very least, it is certainly a load off your mind. Now you don't have to worry.
Now that you have made that decision, don't backtrack and try to text him or call him. Just leave it alone.
If you were interested, you could casually ask your mum how he is going. But leave asking this for say a month, to let things settle down a bit.
You could also see if your mother's general mood changes in any way - for instance, is she happier than usual, more light-hearted, things like that. If so, maybe she is having a fling with him - but then again, maybe not. It's impossible to know exactly.
When your mum went out, did she say where she was going? Or did she just say that she was going out, but no details?
When she goes out next for many hours like the other day, perhaps you could just ask her where she is going. You could even take the direct approach and say - "Are you seeing ....... today?" Then see how she decides to answer that question. But don't be angry, sarcastic or upset when you do ask her - stay calm. Look for any awkwardness or even dismissal of the question or anger.
I realize that because you told him to leave, it almost doesn't matter to you. But in a way it does, because you are wondering what floodgates that is opening.
If anything was going on between your now ex boyfriend and your mother before, it might certainly be happening now.
The only reason I say this, is because your boyfriend didn't seem too worried by you saying it was over. If he was a genuine type, the very least he would say would be - "Why? Did I do something to upset you? What's the matter?" Questions like that. Most men would ask. The thing is, he didn't ask, and that concerns me. It's not a positive sign.
Yes, I really believe you have made the right decision.
If there is anything going on between them, well I hope your mother doesn't have the bad judgement to ever bring him home. That would be incredibly disrespectful to you, and very inconsiderate as well.
It's now time for you to move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told him to hit the road today and he was like ok so I mean I guess he didn't care my mom left the house for like 5 hrs today and with nothing to do my suspicions are that they hooked up but even if they did I'm done with him so she can have him right?
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (3 February 2011):
 if he is getting pics of other women, i would leave him alone. he seems like a play boy. dont waste your time with some one like that. You surely will end up hurt and disappointed.
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (3 February 2011):
Dont put too much into it. I use to always flirt with my ex girls mother. she would hug up on me and she even kissed me one xmas. We laughed and I told my ex girlfriend and we laughed about it. She trusted her mother and knew that her mother would not cross the line with me. Just chill relax and be glad that they get alone...... Now if i bothers you, tell him to stop. If he does, cool, if not, dump him
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (3 February 2011):
Hello again. Yes, it is strange behaviour on both their parts, but you can't deny there is some reason to have doubts.
So like I was saying before, I really think that you should quietly observe them both in your home, and see how they act when they can't see you looking.
Maybe there is no cause for worry, but don't disregard it either.
The main thing is to keep ever aware and also make sure that your boyfriend treats you properly and with respect.
If his treatment of you seems to waiver a bit and he starts taking you for granted, then you need to say something to him.
If there is a need to for this conversation, don't accuse him of sleeping with your mum (or even hint at it either), but simply say that you don't feel that your relationship is going very well. If he says - "Why?" Just say, how it makes you feel and what you think he is no longer doing for you - if you feel he doesn't respect you, or that you are being taken for granted - or whatever it is that you feel about it. Don't argue or get upset, just stay calm.
But that's only if you feel he is acting differently towards you - otherwise, say nothing.
If he treats you just as well as he always did, then there probably is no cause for worry.
When he said your mum was hot, he might have just been making a comment and nothing more. Perhaps it might have been better if he had said nothing at all.
Time will tell, if there is anything to concern yourself about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u for Ur feedback I have said a lil comment like that to my mom but my comment was like the resin y I think u like him so much is because Ur husband isn't home and he's a man that can do what a women cant and her respond was it's because me and him have gone threw alot of the same stuff in our lives and u guys have alot in common but he has made a remark on how hot my mom is and she is good looking for her age but shes also a cosmotoligest and that's what he's going to school for they met at her work and the day she met him came home and immediately told me he was cute it just don't make sence to me at all about any of it at all
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (3 February 2011):
Hi there. It sounds like your mum is missing her husband, and it does sound suspiciously like she has her eyes on your boyfriend.
Why would your boyfriend ask your mum for dinner?
The fact that they ask about each other all the time, sounds sus to me for sure. I'd be a little concerned if it was me.
I agree, you can't straight out ask if anything is happening, even though you are thinking it.
At the moment, nothing might be happening between them - other than some kind of physical attraction.
Your mother seems to display signs of jealousy when he is there with you. That definitely sounds like jealousy and her nose out of joint, to me. It sounds like she wishes you would go out, so that she could have him to herself.
I suggest that you stay very aware of both your mother's and your boyfriend's behaviour from now on, and see if there is any change in either of them. It will become evident if there is anything going on - evading a question, or some awkwardness.
Perhaps you could say you were just going down to the corner shop to buy something one day, but stand around the corner and look through the window and see if anything happens. It's a bit sneaky, I realize, but sometimes things like this have to be done to get some idea.
Or maybe, you could walk out of the room you are all in and pretend to walk to your own room - but then peer around the corner (where they can't see you), and see how they are when you are not in the room with them.
When people are hiding something, they will grab every opportunity to steal a kiss or a grope whenever they think the coast is clear. In fact, I think this is a better idea than walking to the local shop. You can have more control over this option. You will have to be gone for a while - say 15 or 20 minutes. But you will have to be really quiet when you do, so there are no squeaky floorboards!
Another clue in figuring this all out, is just quietly observe how they look at each other when they think you are not looking. You can still watch this when you are a few feet away. Sometimes people really don't know who's watching them. So this is also a very good clue. You can always tell if 2 people are attracted or if something is going on. It's usually pretty clear to everyone.
If you see some sexy looks between them, don't say anything at the time. But perhaps you could say something to him when you are both alone.
You could say something like - "You and Mum seem to be getting along well?" Then see what he says, and go from there. If he blushes or seems embarrassed in some way, that's also a clue that he might have eyes for your mother.
If he becomes argumentative, like you are accusing him, well then that's also a sign of something happening - or at least the possibility that something might.
In any case, you will have to play it by ear, as to how you feel things really are. Quiet observation is the best way. Let your heart be your guide.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont want to accuse them of anything but I want to know what's going on also Hes has told me a couple times before that he thinks I am jeolious of my mom and the other night he called me and my mom had called him he put me on hold to answer my moms call and then quickly hurried me off the phone he's always getting naked pics of girls at school on his phone I don't know what to do about all this will someone please help me
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