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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: today me and my boyfriend will be going out to dinner along with his mother and brother it was all payed for his brother's company. ok here is were it get's interesting i found out last night that my mother whom i dont get along with will be there with her husband who molested me when i was a child like 6 or 7 he did 3 yrs in jail and my mother accepted him back to her home i was taken away put in a foster home for 6 months. now after so many yrs i would have to see him tonight should i stay away or should i show i that he dont have any power over me like he did when i was younger? please help..
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 I don't think it is advisable to confront him about his past actions.It will not do any good.
It is best to leave that in the past , buried and forgotten.You will be prolonging this issue and it will never go away.
Just be civil with him if you can't avoid him.
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (29 March 2010):
You need to face your fears or you will forever be tormented by it.
By going to the dinner, you will finally overcome this issue and find closure.
I am not going to be judgmental . He has paid his dues according to the laws of the land and you should forgive him ,like what your mother has and accepted him back.
You should not brand a person for life nor judge your mother for her actions. Let God be the judge.
You may disagree with your mother's actions but she should not be condemned .
You don't have to fear him and you should show him and your mom that you are over this issue.
Let the past go, otherwise this issue will bug you for all your life.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Your mother's behaviour is horrifying! That shit ought to be locked up in prison to this day; how the hell did he only get three years in prison?
I can see why this dinner makes you uncomfortable. If you don't want to go, then you certainly shouldn't feel guilty about not going. Any decent person would understand. Have you told your boyfriend about this terrible experience?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): I think you should go to confront your tormentor at the end of the meal as the main reason for going and not because it is something your boyfriend's brother is hosting.
You should approach them and state that you have not forgotten how he abused you when you were young and vulnerable and how your mother did not protect you from him.
I think this aspect of the meeting will be advantageous for you. You should tell him how vile you think his actions were and how deeply wronged you were by his selfish actions with you.
So you are not going to his brother's event but to get some psychological treatment for the abuse you had to endure. Do this outside the restaurant such as the parking lot as when news crews approach guilty people who then try to run away.
The event has most likely transpired already so I answered this hoping it is what you did nevertheless.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 March 2010):
Don't go, and tell your husband exactly why. Your mother is (and no disrespect) one of the most appalling women I've ever read about. And as for him, he should never have been let out. I'd say that you'd be better not going. I know some have said that you should show how strong you are. But in honesty, a mother who accepts a molester back into her life isn't going to take much notice, and would probably go out of her way to make you feel worse. Be honest with your husband, and don't go.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 I don't think your mental health and the pain you'll experience after seeing their faces again together, especially his, will be worth a little annoyance in his head that you are fine. If that's even what he'll get from it. If you want him to hear something, don't make a statement, voice a statement. And don't do either if they will compromise your well-being.
~sy
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A
male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (28 March 2010):
 You should use your best judgement. I think it is unfair for your family to put you in that situation. It is acceptable to tell them you are not going and why.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Trust your gut. Your mother is no mother at all. She chose that scumbag over her own child! Stay away from the dinner. If you go you are giving implicit forgiveness - in other words your presence there will signify to you mom that you are ok with everything and you are not. No real mother would send her own child into foster care in order to have a shit back like that back in the house. I would not allow myself to be in the same room with her or him!
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A
female
reader, Vicci +, writes (28 March 2010):
 you are 26 now (it says). if you are over and not traumatised by this man and your experience, go and show him your stregth, but dont go if your uncomfortable.
good luck whatever you do.
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