A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:"Bob" and I have been dating now for 7 months. I am 47, divorced with one child and was married (once)for 13 years. He is 53, was married once when he was 20 (for one month!), has lived with several women and has a daughter who is 17. He didn't know he was the father of this girl until she was 2, the mother had to force him into a paternity test. He told me when we first started to date he would never get married, but then he wanted me to move in right away. Of course I haven't, I don't want my 13 year old daughter to think that's an acceptable way to live. Long story short, at one point in so many words he told me he was worth "2 or 3 Million $, which I didn't know when we hooked up. His daughter is a spoiled rotten bitch who gets anything she wants.She has disrespected me several times , in front of other people, and he won't defend me.He is going to buy her a brand new expensive car for her 18th b-day. He gave her $1000.00 for Christmas, and all of his nieces and nephews envelopes with money. He knows I live from check to check and struggle. I make my house payment and car payment and there isn't much left.He has only taken me out to dinner maybe 7-8 times total in all this time. He just wants to stay at home and have pizza or will eat before I come over and then say "I'm good", not caring about if I had dinner yet. I really really loved this man way before I found out he had money, and our sex is incredible. We grew up in the same era, in the same city, and have alot of the same interests. We have alot of fun just being together but I have really grown to resent him for being the most selfish person (to me!) that I have ever met!!! He wouldn't even sponsor me when I was raising money for MDA!I have spoiled him in many ways and he won't reciprocate. Christmas was the final straw. His spoiled little B daughter didn't want me to come to their family get together, so I spent Christmas eve alone. Then he had the nerve to want to come over to my house when his party was over. All he gave me for Christmas was a cheap leather coat he bought on sale. His excuse is: "I hate Christmas, and you knew that". Well, that sure didn't stop him from buying other women diamonds and trips. He said things were "different" then. Whatever!!!!!! I have totally put the skids on the sex life about 2 weeks ago, but unfortunately I enjoy it too. I know this a-hole just wants a live-in maid he can bang every night. He could have had it all: I'm a fantastic cook, my house is spotless, I'm attractive and stay in shape, I'm totally independent, I love to have sex, and I work really hard. I'm not looking for a sugar daddy just someone who will reciprocate nice things once in a while.He even had the balls to make the comment: "Well, you have me,isn't that enough? and I have vodka here so you can have drinks when you come over"!!!!! OMG what an a-hole! The problem is he has my heart which I haven't given to aanyone in many years and now I am heartbroken. What shoud I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI still don't know what to do. I would appreciate some more input from others who have been there/done that.
I have a heavy heart but I know in the long run things will never change. I did have sex with him last weekend and it just ripped the wound open again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for responding you all have very legit responses! To female anonymous 1/14 I appreciate your candor. I did buy him an expensive gift for Christmas.I have made him dinner countless times, helped him clean his house, surprised him with lunch or treats at his work, gave him long massages, etc. etc. no I don't expect him to shower me with gifts, but I just feel resentful that I'm the one he sleeps with and he tells me he loves me more than anyone he's ever been with, but doesn't show it in ways that he has for others.
Thanks to everyone for your replies!
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 You know what, you have 2 options here. First: As chigirl said....Continue to see him as your lover. That way u wouldnt have any expectations from him whatsoever and that wud be best for you.
Second: You can talk to him and tell him point blank how his attitude bothers you. There are times when we needn't always be nice! Tell him that you were in love with him before you knew anything about his financial status, and if he thinks he's treating u fine, then he is wrong. When u get back home, he need not have a gourmet dinner ready for you, but he should at least make sure you have something decent to eat. Thats not about having a million bucks...its a little something called "courtesy". You dont want diamonds splashed on you, but obviously something more than a coat bought on sale! You know, the problem with many of us is that, we dont talk when we should! These are things you should TELL him, if he clearly does not understand them himself. Dont keep all this inside you...it doesnt make you a smaller person if you ask to be treated well. You dont want his money...you want what anyone would of their boyfriend!!
If he thinks you're interested in just the cash, he'l probably just buzz off himself. However, if he wants a lasting relationship, he'l probably change himself.
Good Luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): He's testing you to see if you're really staying for the money or for him.I hate to say this, but it sounds like you've stopped focusing on him and started focusing on his money and he has picked up on this. Men are funny like this; push a subject and they will resist with everything in them.You told him you live paycheck to paycheck? Yea, he has sensed you are after him for his money so he is holding back.OR he's not really a millionaire (make sure he isn't lying to you to keep you around) and doesn't want to give this fact away.It seems kinda snooty to compare yourself to his daughter. You cannot be complaining that his daughter got this and this and you got nothing. THAT'S HIS DAUGHTER! You have no right to question why he gives his daughter something that he doesn't give to you, or even what he gave to his exes.If he got you a cheap LEATHER jacket that was on sale, what did you get him?? What were you expecting, 1000 dollars?Keep yourself in check and figure out whether you are with this man for his money or for him because it sounds like you want his money and he can tell.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 You're probably going to be shocked by this, but I have a rather untraditional solution. Continue to see him as your lover. He does cat more like your lover than your boyfriend after all, and the only good parts about this relationship, if you leave out that you have feelings for him, is the sex. A relationship based on good sex may continue for a while, but you and I both know it won't last. And even if you care about this man, he's just causing you pain and hurt!
You can't change a man. He needs to change himself. You've told him how you feel, he knows, and he doesn't care. So how about you stop being exclusive with him? Don't have sex with anyone else yet, but go on dates, meet new men, and keep this guy as your lover. If you do end up wanting to take the next step with another man, then call off the relationship with your lover.
Of course, it would be the best if your boyfriend agrees to being just lovers. That depends on his personality. Perhaps you could use some talking techniques and make it all sound like it's his own idea to have you as a mistress/lover instead of girlfriend. Then start using protection when you are with him in case he's gone to other women as well.
Could this at all be a solution you think? Its either that, or talk to him some more and stick by him even though he wont change, or leave him.
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