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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi my best friend lets call her suzie said to me about three months ago that she really likes this guy she has known for two years, lets call him jake, and its only this year that he can return her feelings but now she has a bf!she keeps doing stuff with jake and its destroying her bf, shes constantly cheating and when she talks to me about it she says shes confused about it, that she thinks shes a bad person for it ive been a good friend i have listened to her , comforted her but now she has broken up with her boyfriend three times saying *she needs time to be single to figure out what she wants* then does stuff with jake, gets back with her bf and it circulates. Both the poor lads really like her and im so fed up of seeing her bf crying. To add to this jake requested to see me asking me if i wanted to go cinema so i said yes. i had not seen him in ages and i got to admit i missed talking to him as we have lots in common. he paid for everything, popcorn the whole thing. He would not stop flirting with me and i have developed feelings for him. i feel he is giving me mixed messages though because he has txted me saying he just wants to *warm me up* to kiss me, saying that im such a great person that any guy would be lucky to even spend time with me, that he misses talking to me and that when he goes to university his going to miss me so much and he wants me to come to stay over for the weekends, as hes going to be 200 hundred miles away from me. I do not know what to do. i feel stuck in a the middle i like this guy so much but then i feel loyalty to my friend. whenever i am with him, she phones him or me asking what we are up to and when he is going to call for her, i have had enough!she has messed jake and her bf around for three months and now im stuck in it too. This guy wants to see me again, he keeps getting me to go clubbing with him but im not up to it. he rang me last night asking if i could go round his that he would pick me up and give me a lift home too but i said i was to tired. he was persistant then spent 4 hours flirting with me saying that he likes me alot and if i ever need him no matter how far away from him i am, he will come find me. what do i do?i dont want to lose my friend but im so fed up.
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best friend, clubbing, flirt, mixed messages, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (30 August 2007):
And dont feel bad about taking him away from her, she would do it to you...plus she messes people around enough.
A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (30 August 2007):
I know your loyal to your friend but she doesnt would not be loyal to you. If jake is still seeing your mate surely you can tell that hes a waste of time and effort. Also, you might find that if you sleep with him all the nice things hes been saying wont apply anymore. He may just be trying to get you into bed, if he is serious about you he has to tell your mate...with you there.
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A
female
reader, carebearer +, writes (30 August 2007):
Mmmmm it seems to me that both your friend and Jake are playing you for a bit of a fool. Its clear to see that your friend enjoys alot of drama in her love life. She knows that she can play both her boyfriend and jake and she's probably enjoying it loads. I reckon she can probably play you around quite a bit too, be honest and you probably know it that may be why you're so prepared to get friendly with jake even though you know Suzie is too.While it's nice that Jake can make you feel good be wary that you're not a pawn in his silly little game and that he isnt just using you to try and make Suzie feel jealous. Anyway whats the point of getting all loved up with Jake if he's going to uni soon. A long distance relationship at uni can be abit much.You have 2 main options:1)Continue to see Jake as you have been but keep guarded, dont expect too much out of it. As far as Suzies concerned she will probably still play Jake- do you really want to share him with her?2) Leave them all to play their silly little games and find a nice guy all of your own to date. It will be nice to avoid it all and cozy down with the new fella u deserve.Well good luck either way.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I wouldn't he seems a bit of a jerk and so do you, not a very good freind are you! anyway, do it if it's just for fun as I don't think this guy wants anything serious.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (28 August 2007):
 (1) Stop seeing Jake. How would you feel if your mate started dating someone you had feelings for? If you want to be her friend, don't go with a guy behind her back. AND if he cheats with you, he will someday cheat ON you. You don't want any part of that.
(2) Come clean with your friend that Jake's hitting on you (maybe it will cause her to leave him alone and focus on her man). Tell her you've broken it off with him for her, but that you don't trust him not to find someone else, and that she should probably steer clear of him as well.
(3) Advise your mate to either dump her bf so that he can get over her, or make a real go of it. This half-in-half-out stuff isn't fair to him.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Hi
Sounds like a bit of rivalry going on here?
Was you even a little jealous that your friend had 2 guys on the go?
She's definately not ready for anything serious is she. But these guys are like puppets on a string!
I would forget this Jake guy if i was in your shoes though. He's going away soon and you have broken one of the fundemental rules of friendship. Never get with a mates guy/girl. Its a serious no no.
But only you can decide what to do in the end. It will come out in the end though and your mate, will be a mate no more i expect.
Good luck hun.
Hope it all works out ok.
c xxxxxxxxxxx
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