A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiMe and my partner are engaged and we are hapy together.Although this, I want to know how best to cummunicate about the issue below:= My parner has gone through a touch sexual rough time and I feel that she is a bit too dependent on me. I feel that she wants me to be at home most of the day so we are together,except that I want to continue looking for work, have to go to London to do this and also would like time on my own so that I can attend the gym.She does not relly have many activities she can get involved with because the Home Care Team have withdrawn a lot.How is it best to solve this problem out? I have spoken to someone about Counselling from the GP,, Do you agree that this would hep me?Also my partner has had sexual assault in the past and her previous marriage ended. The ex was a violent controlling bloke.I feel that she would benefit from counselling as well, but how do I go about persuading her that this may be a step forward. She still gets bad experiences in her head.Look forward to any advice.
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male
reader, True  +, writes (14 May 2010):
Mabe you can consult a counselor on your own and get tips or pointers on things you should ask or do with her to comfort her or say that you dont want her to be scared anymore (if thats truly the case, which it most likely is) and try to get her to go that way.
**keep this in mind**
Although she had that past it's not uncommon for the girl to want to feel comfortable and secure (especialy in what has happend in her past). But all in all your pretty lucky to have a girl like that because to me it seems that your the one that she trusts most and cares for. :)
well... Good luck in your troubles
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. So the majority of you think that couple counselling is a good idea for both of us?
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (13 May 2010):
 She could truly benefit from the right counselling. However, all you can do is suggest in a loving caring way. I'm sure you have heard the expression "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." Well that's all you can do. You can suggest she gets help to sort out all the bad experiences in her life, but at some point, she will have to take action!
Perhaps you can suggest couples counselling. Any good therapist will pick up on the signs of abuse...and focus on that!
I wish you both a happy life together!
Sincerely
~BG~
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 May 2010):
 If you want your partner to receive counselling there are plenty of services available through the NHS and the charity sector (try the MIND charity helpline for advice). However, before any counselling can commence she has to reach the stage where she identifies herself as having a problem that needs treatment. You can support her as she gets to this stage but you won't be able to force her into treatment as she has to be motivated to get her for her own issues. If she has post-traumatic stress disorder from her past ordeal there are online courses in cognitive behavioural therapy that maybe helpful (see this link:http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome). If she is dependent on you then it can put a strain on the relationship. I think you should try doing some voluntary work together as a couple and then if she settles into it, you could withdraw from the activity to give her an independent interest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): Hello,
Explain to her that you truly love her, and you would like her to go for her own well being. If she's experiencing things in her head she should go and talk to someone who can help her through this tramatic experience.
I can sympathize with why she's clingy with you with her past trauma. I also know its vital to have your own time in a relationship.
Tell her what your feeling. Express to her, you want her to get help. Suggest you'll attend counselling with her if she doesn't want to go alone.
Good luck
;D
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