A
female
age
30-35,
*oastlover
writes:Ok. Sorry its long, but its very complicated. So there is a guy i have liked for about 4 years now (since i first met him), lets call him a. He is really nice, kind, considerate, funny, all of that. Firstly he went out with one me my friends. Now i think of myself as a good friend, so i was very supportive towards them. When they broke up, i didnt really talk to him much for about a year or 2. Then about a year ago, he went out with another of my friends, lets call her b. Again i was supportive even though it hurt. They had a tough time and i ended up being the middle man in the relationship. When something went wrong, one of them would come to me and ask for help. I gave that help the best i could. I didnt let my feelings cloud my advice and helped them. Inevitably they broke up and i was left to pick up the pieces on both sides. A little while passed and i became good friends with him. He tells me everyone he likes. He went out with another friend and that failed, but i still said nothing. Now, he has told me he thinks he loves b. When he told me i felt like that was it. The world could of ended and i wouldn't of cared. Dramatic i know but i cant describe it any other way. It was horrible. He still says he is in love with her, though she says she would NEVER go near him again and takes the mickey out of him ALL the time, behind his back mostly. Now i am at a loss. I said i wanted to go prom with him, he said he didnt want to go with me. When my friend asked he said He said, Omg come on its 'my name' what guy would want to go out with her?' so... What do i do? I really like him. I dont want to say love because it will hurt me too much. What do i do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 It's hard to see when someone close to you is toxic. This is one of those cases. You feel deeply for the person but they suck the life and energy and joy right out of you. They use you to make themselves feel better, they use you as a prop, they talk to you, they like to hear you talk about them, it's all about them them them them.
You've found a toxic guy, my dear. One that doesn't mind chopping away at your self-esteem by telling you horrible things someone else said. That's not a nice thing to do. There was no need to say that.
Run away, run far away. When you get a little away from him, you will start to lose the chemical romance thing--you'll be able to see him more clearly, like your friend b. She dated him and now has his number.
I suggest you hang out more with your girlfriends and dissect this guy twelve ways till Sunday. You won't feel so bad after a good relationship post-mortem.
Run awaaaaayyyyyyy. For your own mental health. Good luck.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 "I think the whole what guy thing was his mates as none of them like me (im not 'fit' and im not popular), but yeah. "
That proves he is happy to throw you under the bus. We don't choose who we fall for, but we can choose whom to love, and I wouldn't call what you feel for this man "love". I don't believe in one sided true loves. Those are called admirations or crushes. And as soon as you understand the way your mind works you can find your way out of this situation. Crushes or that "in love feeling" is a mix of chemicals to your brain. Telling your brain its time to breed basically.
You might find it especially hard to get over him as he is always around, either around you or in your group of friends. So cutting all contact would be the best, or at least cut it to the best of your ability. And call him out in him stabbing you in the back, ask him why he thinks he gets to call himself a friend when he talks you down like that and see what he has to say for himself.
Honestly? He might even like you for all I can tell, but is too much of a chicken in front of his friends to come forth.
Just move on and find someone better. It shoudln't be too tough, as I am confident you can find many guys who'd be proud to take you to a prom. You just gotta get over this guy so your eyes are open to see others.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): He doesn't fancy you, you're int he friend's zone. Xx
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A
female
reader, toastlover +, writes (13 May 2010):
toastlover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey chigirl i agree with you up to a point. However, its not that he is popular, or pretty, infact, some people call him emo. He is different. THATS the thing that annoys me the most.
He was 16 today and i am soon so just so you know i am not just a 13 year old girl with a little crush.
However, thanks for your answer. I have tried. But I dont know where to begin. I think the whole what guy thing was his mates as none of them like me (im not 'fit' and im not popular), but yeah.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 May 2010):
Move on. You are 13-15 years old and life has barely begun, so don't waste your time thinking you love a guy you barely know. And yes I say barely know, because how close can you honestly be with this bloke? He talks you down behind your back, as for your friendship he isn't even a decent friend saying those things about you (the what guy would go out with you part). Could be he is just trying to sound cool to his friends, but your crush is totally one sided and has been so for years.
Get over him, he's NOT worth it. You life has not ended because he, at an age way to young to really know what he's talking about, claims to love one of your friends. He has no respect for you and I fear you have been used by him to get to your friends.
Find someone nicer. Why do you even like this guy, he has a pretty face or is popular or something? Try and list down things and see if he's really all that grat or if the qualities he has can't be found in just about anyone.
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